Friday was my children's birthday. Ten fabulous years old. As I type they are in the dining room juicing oranges on the vintage glass reamer. They picked the oranges at a neighbors and soon I will be the orange juice judge. We had a sleepover last night, its 4pm now and they are still holding tight. One friend each, two girls, two boys. This was our first real simple birthday experience at our house in the woods. Well, simple except for the 96 cupcakes i baked and frosted for their after school environmental club. I mentor in the club so it was nice to be able to be there for their bday celebration at school.
I bought no gifts for them. They have everything they need, there wasn't really anything they wanted. I'm over feeling like i need to buy something just for the sake of buying something. Like the sign I saw outside a church years ago, 'Children need your presence more than your presents'. I did pay a fabulous artist friend $30 to knit a hat for Aidan that he had been wanting. And she found a beautiful scarf for Ellie in the trash, so those were the material gifts. And as Ellie pointed out, last week i found the best, gi-nourmous box in the garbage. They have cut out four pane windows, doors that open and close (and skeleton keys) and mailbox slots. Yesterday I overheard bits of a conversation between my children. They were discussing whether they thought their friends would bring them gifts. Ellie commented that when her friend had asked what she wanted, her response had been that she didn't need anything. Really. They did each get a little something, one of which was a new Uno game that we all sat in bed and played last night. The kids hanging out in my room playing Uno and Connect Four. Then outside for a bonfire and hours of running, playing and the box fort. This morning pancakes, hide and seek, and now oranges. So. $30 for the hat, about $30 for all the cupcake ingredients, and $33 for dinner. Their friends were with us for 24 hours and even with no TV or video games and no party favors, they didn't want to leave. I'm calling it a success.
I bought no gifts for them. They have everything they need, there wasn't really anything they wanted. I'm over feeling like i need to buy something just for the sake of buying something. Like the sign I saw outside a church years ago, 'Children need your presence more than your presents'. I did pay a fabulous artist friend $30 to knit a hat for Aidan that he had been wanting. And she found a beautiful scarf for Ellie in the trash, so those were the material gifts. And as Ellie pointed out, last week i found the best, gi-nourmous box in the garbage. They have cut out four pane windows, doors that open and close (and skeleton keys) and mailbox slots. Yesterday I overheard bits of a conversation between my children. They were discussing whether they thought their friends would bring them gifts. Ellie commented that when her friend had asked what she wanted, her response had been that she didn't need anything. Really. They did each get a little something, one of which was a new Uno game that we all sat in bed and played last night. The kids hanging out in my room playing Uno and Connect Four. Then outside for a bonfire and hours of running, playing and the box fort. This morning pancakes, hide and seek, and now oranges. So. $30 for the hat, about $30 for all the cupcake ingredients, and $33 for dinner. Their friends were with us for 24 hours and even with no TV or video games and no party favors, they didn't want to leave. I'm calling it a success.
I loved what an old friend recently said of our house and its eclectic, lived in-ness: "Its nice when everything isn't so perfect. Than you don't have to worry about everything not being so perfect."
**Im trying to write more often and yet my favorite posts are the ones where I feel inspired to write instead of reporting. I need some inspiration! What would YOU like to read more of or hear about? Help!
Not in the trash, but on the curb in my neighborhood. Not even on trash day! Just a wandering scarf.
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear everyone had a great birthday experience--welcome to the double-digits, Ellie and Aidan!
And dude I have no idea what you should write about. Although it would be funny for people who know Otto to hear about what he got into that day, it might have a negative effect on readership. :P
I just love your everyday goings on!! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteHi Kristen.
ReplyDeleteIt is nice to see your posting again. Any book suggestions on how to make less of an impact, and grow your own food for people who live in apts. in towns and cities? I try to buy as many fresh veggies and fruits as possible, but I always feel bad that I have to dispose of the peelings, etc. I would much rather compost them. Take care and good luck!
Shunda
What a wonderful day for your children! Why do we complicate things so, when children just want to be together enjoying each other. I also love your everyday goings on...they always inspire me to keep things simple and enjoy all of the everyday wonders we miss when we complicate our lives with "stuff" and too many planned activities and events.
ReplyDeleteKeep posting...and thank you for you inspiring words!
Faithful reader - first time commenter. Absolutely LOVE and get an enormous amount of inspiration from your posts! Only thing I wish is that they were more often. I am with Anonymous - everyday going ons would be great!
ReplyDelete- Living Simply in MD.
Everything you write is beautiful & inspirational....the simplicity of your daily life is a breath of fresh air....there is not one area of your life that wouldn't be interesting....cooking, kids, kids & life with their daddy, journaling, current books...creative expressions...it is just endless when it comes to you!!
ReplyDeleteKristen, your writing is so beautiful - what a shining gift you have! I'm just dropping in to say that you are a huge inspiration to me and the way I parent my 2 kids. This was great to read, I love how you offer your children and their friends such a whole approach to life. What a woman!!!!
ReplyDeleteI have to agree that hearing about your everyday life is encouraging and interesting to read about. I love that your children are becoming responsible people in the world. It's hard to teach that to a child when they are living with one "simple" parent and one "materialistic" parent. It's hard to be the "simple" parent in that situation.
ReplyDeleteI personally would love to hear more about the after school environmental program that you mentor. I would love to do something like that at my daughters school.
It's hard to teach that to a child when they are living with one "simple" parent and one "materialistic" parent. It's hard to be the "simple" parent in that situation.
ReplyDeleteI hear that! I struggle with it from time to time. Less and less as time goes by. I try to invision myself on my path. staying focused and true to what i believe, what feels right. I talked with my children about it once. What if I just gave in.. What if we just started shopping and buying and got a tv and did all that.. And it was meant with a resounding NO. No mom, you have to be you. They were slightly horrified.
And yknow I think it can be a real bummer to be the materialistic parent too. What with all that shopping and debt and trying to keep up with the Blakes and the Blaires and working long hours at a job that is sucking you dry. Blech. Last nite i took ellie for a walk on my feet tops, followed by patty cake and cards in my bed. Ill take that.
The environmental club was started by the awesome science teacher. They clean, maintain and plant the school grounds. They have a vegetable garden and composting. We break into smaller groups so each group is working on a different area of the grounds. Last week our group worked on raking pine straw which we then used as mulch and picking up fallen limbs (which we took home for the bonfire). Sometimes they have little talks or environmental films. It meets once a month and you have to be an A/B citizen to be in it. They are full and have lots of kids waiting to get into it even though they really do have to work. The kids love the chance to be outside with their friends.
Shunda - I dont know of any books off the top of my head but theres gotta be some good ones out there. I was just talking to a friend who used to container garden and grow food on his apartment porch. Also you could container compost. Do you have a porch? I have heard of people having worm composting going on under their kitchen sink which sounds fabulous to me. I wonder if you talked to your apartment complex if they might let you set up some composting somewhere?
Kelly - That nite lives on vividly in my memory. So glad you were there to share in its disgustingness.
Best Wishes and thanks for sharing your thoughts. xo
I love your blog. I love your writing. You are simply inspiring. Thank you
ReplyDeleteJaspina
Hi Kristen - If you have not already read Animal Vegetable Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver it is certainly worth the time. It chronicles her family who vows to eat their own food or locally for 1 year.
ReplyDeleteCarrie L.
I would be interested in cooking and daily life. I cook for my family every day and I find myself going to the grocery store, almost every day. How can I make it more simpler?
ReplyDeleteThanks Jas. :)
ReplyDeleteCarrie - A friend had given me her copy of Animal Vegetable Mineral a while back. At the time I was too frustrated to read it cause i wanted my own garden!! So now i broke it out again. Thanks!
I dont know if i can be much help in the cooking arena. My children are very picky eaters. sigh. Im working on this myself at the moment. That and the grocery that I love to walk to is closed for 6 months. Meal planning. I try to have the next 3 or so nights dinner in mind and have everything in. Ive read about people who cook one day a week and freeze for the coming week. Or having maybe 10 regular meals you make so you can try to have those ingredients in. For me, I like to make a rice or grain dish and add different veggies to it as I go along. Especially now that I am getting some of my veggies out of the garden. So exciting!
I feel a little odd commenting on a months’ old post, but I’ve only recently discovered you. And since you asked about what we’d like you to write about …
ReplyDeleteI’d first say please don’t start posting more often, at least not just to make us happy. I could read your blog for an hour a day (and definitely second the book idea you’ve alluded to), but part of what makes this special is know that you’re probably too busy with actual living to tether yourself to the screen more frequently.
For me, given the stage of my journey, what I’d love to hear more about is how you work through the doubts that arise. There are still too many days when I collapse on the sofa after the kids get to sleep thinking, “What on earth are you doing?” And I doubt that I have the energy, stamina, commitment, and spirit to follow through on what I know has to be done. I doubt that this is really important, or necessary, all this swimming upstream. It starts to feel indulgent and irresponsible.
I’d also welcome ideas about where you find likeminded people. Did you already have a community who shared your sensibilities, or did you have to create that anew? The web is nice, but how I’d love a chat over coffee with a real person who didn’t eye me with suspicion when I start talking about giving up the car.
Last, I treasure the glimpses you provide of your expenses. I re-read Walden last fall and always adored the accounting section, where he spells out the cost of his rice and molasses, and the $2.43 windows. So mundane. So full of life.
Thank you. I suspect you have little idea just how great an impact your having by letting us in this way.
Im working on a post that answers some of your questions(thank you!), but help me understand clearer here what you are struggling with: "And I doubt that I have the energy, stamina, commitment, and spirit to follow through on what I know has to be done. I doubt that this is really important, or necessary, all this swimming upstream. It starts to feel indulgent and irresponsible."
ReplyDeleteWhat is it that you know needs to be done? Is the upstream swimming society or the life youve been living or a partner?
Thank you for writing.
Kristen, you are very kind to always respond to our posts. My general answer to your question is yes, all of the above! I've tried to make value-honoring choices (e.g., working nonprofit vs. corporate, buying organic or local) but after many (many!) years like this, life still looks and feels quite traditional. When this occurred to me two years ago, I started working toward some changes, but I've come to see that they, too, are middling tweaks, when what's called for is boldness: Nonprofit vs. corporate? How about ditching full time altogether? Buying local? How about not buying at all, and selling most of the rest? Two-income mortgage? How about selling the house and moving even if it means losing a great deal of money and starting over?
ReplyDeleteThe greatest gift my children have given me is the capacity to see that joy exists, pure and simple, every day, right in front of me. Now my choices are about finding the most joy. I was unprepared for the lack of support this would generate, particularly within the family (partner included). People are so invested in the perception that joy is the opposite of any number of things: reality, security, adulthood. Intellectually, I know this isn’t the case. But if you stand up and commit yourself to joy you are really committing to owning your life in a way most people don’t ever do.
And what if it’s harder than you ever possibly imagined? What if it turns out that you really *are* being naïve? What if the joy doesn’t follow?
Thanks for letting me borrow a corner of your blog to think this through!