#4 Allow myself to get angry

We need to feel our feelings. Allow our emotions. I'm pretty laid back but like anyone, I can get MAD. And that's okay. Feel the emotion, ride the wave, let it pass through you. Find healthier ways of expressing it. When i first started getting mad, when I was still married and living someone elses life, i didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to express it. But I figured it out. I would swim to the bottom of the country club pool and scream at the top of my lungs. Really. So dignified. And once I moved out of the house and into our little cottage I would scream at the top of my lungs in the shower. I still do from time to time, I just warn the kids. Its rare, I'm not so angry anymore. Though yesterday a girlfriend and I stood in the garden, threw back our heads and howled at the sky. That was kinda awesome.

Ive been doing a great deal of reading. Reading women's studies and history. Reading about women's tendency to swallow our anger. The expectation of women to be 'nice' and not get angry. Or as I said to my son recently, the expectation for women to shut up and look pretty. And where does stuffing all that anger inside get us? Sick. It makes us sick. Bottled up emotions lead to all kinds of illness and disease. The research is there, the facts are in. We are making ourselves sick. Shoving our emotions deep inside isn't helping anyone. Numbing our emotions with alcohol and drugs probably isn't a good idea either. So don't. Get it out, feel it and in time, move on. And though I talk about women's tendency here, I recognize men do it as well. Men in this culture are taught/expected to suppress all kinds of emotions. Anger is probably one thats most accepted of them, but it sometimes seems they are taught all other feelings are shameful. Love, feelings, sadness, those are for wimps. Man up.  How cruel is that? No wonder as a society were hurting ourselves, each other and our planet. I have a visual of bumper cars in the night. Nobody can see where were going, just aimlessly jerking about, on auto pilot, smashing into each other and moving on. But if we wait, we can see by the light of the stars and moon. If we wait, morning will come. If we take our time, we can do a better job.

Ive been revisiting one of my favorite aspects of simpler living these past few days. One of the things I truly love about it. How having time for yourself and your life allows you the time, space and freedom to really feel your feelings. To understand and do the healing work. To read the books and grasp the knowledge. To let go and love. More about this soon. Enjoy the day.

My children went out with some of my other 'children', collecting Christmas trees, the other night. Christmas trees equal instant awesome bonfire. My father and brother are firefighters. Its in my blood. ;)