Simply Martini

Hellloo Sunday!

2012-01-15T07:14:00.000-08:00

Fresh Eggs, greens from the garden, fresh squeezed orange/grapefruit juice from our trees, enjoyed in front of the fire. Thats all Im sayin.

Simpler Living

2012-01-13T11:21:00.000-08:00

Ive been thinking about my life (shocking) and the whole "simple living" tag. And Im not sure I qualify for the 'simple' living title. I'm going to go with Simpler Living or maybe, Simply Living. Life is not simple. I don't know whose life is. Mine is not, although it is certainly a great deal simpler then it use to be. A great deal simpler then it could be.

Live below your means, give some away, lighten up, laugh more, share your light. Carve out quiet time for your soul. Do the things you love, that make you feel free. And if you don't know what that is, its time to find out. Figure out what is most important to you and put your energy there. Lots of sparkly things will catch your eye, its up to you to decide what is most important. Rock on.

Work, Work, Work. Not.

2012-01-13T10:42:00.000-08:00

Ive been working with my 85 year old friend these past two weeks now. Its all coming back to me, how much I love this work. Really, I get paid to help someone feel happiness again? To share laughter and love and ridiculousness? To experience joy and friendship again before they die? I get to lend a hand to someone, like has been done for me countless times? And this is part of my work? Alright.

Its not always lighthearted. Today she sat in the shower and cried. Cried for the loss of independence, cried for the way things used to be, cried because shes not in her own home, dammit. And I cry as I write this, partially because I know, thats the way it goes. Savor our strength while we have it, and our will to go on. Aging is not for the faint of heart. (That said, shes doing really well. Better then she has in years. Her family just called to tell me the same. See what a little love can do?)

Three hours of 'work' while the kids are in school, a little gardening, time to create, time for me. Last night the children and I lay by the fire reading. Tonight we have bowling on the agenda. Its a good life. A simpler life. Ill take it.

So listen, if you have an older neighbor or friend or relative, go and visit them. And give them a hug. They probably need it. We all do.

#4 Allow myself to get angry

2012-01-10T05:08:00.000-08:00

We need to feel our feelings. Allow our emotions. I'm pretty laid back but like anyone, I can get MAD. And that's okay. Feel the emotion, ride the wave, let it pass through you. Find healthier ways of expressing it. When i first started getting mad, when I was still married and living someone elses life, i didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to express it. But I figured it out. I would swim to the bottom of the country club pool and scream at the top of my lungs. Really. So dignified. And once I moved out of the house and into our little cottage I would scream at the top of my lungs in the shower. I still do from time to time, I just warn the kids. Its rare, I'm not so angry anymore. Though yesterday a girlfriend and I stood in the garden, threw back our heads and howled at the sky. That was kinda awesome.

Ive been doing a great deal of reading. Reading women's studies and history. Reading about women's tendency to swallow our anger. The expectation of women to be 'nice' and not get angry. Or as I said to my son recently, the expectation for women to shut up and look pretty. And where does stuffing all that anger inside get us? Sick. It makes us sick. Bottled up emotions lead to all kinds of illness and disease. The research is there, the facts are in. We are making ourselves sick. Shoving our emotions deep inside isn't helping anyone. Numbing our emotions with alcohol and drugs probably isn't a good idea either. So don't. Get it out, feel it and in time, move on. And though I talk about women's tendency here, I recognize men do it as well. Men in this culture are taught/expected to suppress all kinds of emotions. Anger is probably one thats most accepted of them, but it sometimes seems they are taught all other feelings are shameful. Love, feelings, sadness, those are for wimps. Man up. How cruel is that? No wonder as a society were hurting ourselves, each other and our planet. I have a visual of bumper cars in the night. Nobody can see where were going, just aimlessly jerking about, on auto pilot, smashing into each other and moving on. But if we wait, we can see by the light of the stars and moon. If we wait, morning will come. If we take our time, we can do a better job.

Ive been revisiting one of my favorite aspects of simpler living these past few days. One of the things I truly love about it. How having time for yourself and your life allows you the time, space and freedom to really feel your feelings. To understand and do the healing work. To read the books and grasp the knowledge. To let go and love. More about this soon. Enjoy the day.

My children went out with some of my other 'children', collecting Christmas trees, the other night. Christmas trees equal instant awesome bonfire. My father and brother are firefighters. Its in my blood. ;)

#3 Use My Voice

2012-01-09T05:20:00.000-08:00

I know, youre thinking, what? Cause you dont? And if youre someone who knows me in real life, you may be thinking 'oh no, oh shit'. Or maybe just, 'this is gonna get interesting'. But you know how it is. How sometimes the things that most need to be said are the hardest to say. Or how in relationships we can let the little hurts (and the big ones) lay buried until they make us sick, they taint (or destroy) the relationship or we explode.So I want to work on this. On keeping the air clear and my heart free. And if we're tired of the baggage, maybe its time we take a break.

Use My Voice

There is so much going on in this world that needs speaking up about. There is so much good stuff going on in this world that needs to be told. We can use our voices to counter all the negativity that is so readily available when we turn on the TV, or our computers. Or standing in line at the grocery store, looking at the 'mean' magazines, the gossip rags. Right there in front of our faces. Doesn't matter if anyone buys them. We all see them. We all see them tearing women apart. And men. Tearing relationships apart. Right there at eye level, our children see them. Why?

There's a better way. There's a different reality. And its up to us to create it. Its up to us to live it. Find the positive in life and put your attention there. It really works. Turn off your TV, or better yet get rid of it. If you do watch Television pay attention to what you're inviting into your house and mind. I know there are lots of great educational programs out there. Find music that uplifts you. Music that stimulates your mind. Throw on a little Michael Franti and dance around your living room. Look for the healthy examples in life and love. Eat better food. What we feed our bodies, feeds our minds. The healthier we eat, the healthier we are. Start small. Incorporate more fruit. Less food from boxes, more food from the ground. I read not too long ago that something happy people have in common was that they ate more fruit then unhappy people. Really. Now if only I could get my kids on this.

Use My Voice

I can be shy sometimes. Large groups of people are a challenge for me. Im working on it. The blog helps. :)

Rock on y'all.

#2 Be More Peaceful

2012-01-08T03:01:00.000-08:00

Ahh... This is a good one. I feel so much better just having made this resolution. Cause really, who doesn't want to be more peaceful? Not me. Peaceful about so much in my life, I way have areas I could improve on. Family, work, acceptance. Anyone else out there struggle with these? hahaha. You mean Im really not alone?

See what happens when you plant fruit trees?

2012-01-06T06:21:00.000-08:00

You get food!

Ive heard that grapefruit is the most medicinal of citrus. And lawd its good. Pummel o, or something like that in the front. In the grapefruit family. yum e. A gift from a neighbor.

New Years Resolution #1

2012-01-06T05:37:00.000-08:00

Dont be so concerned with what other people think.

Had a great conversation with a young artist friend the other day. This girl is really awesome. And really out there. First year college student and a dear friend since she was 6. One of my other daughters. She inspires me. And she told me she gave up caring what other people think years ago. I believe her. ;)

Care even less what people think.

I know this is something I need to work on. As much as a free spirit as I can be, I can still find myself tripped up in what others say about me. Not often (obviously), but it is something i would like to release. And really, its out of my control (silly control issues). In the past it has contributed to me keeping my awesomeness to myself. And what fun is that? So for 2012 I will be more of myself (you have been warned), I will share more of my story (in my fashion). Ill make mistakes. I wont always like what people say. And thats too bad. But most of it will be positive. Because most of what I put out there is positive. Cause what this world needs is more positive energy. What I want is more positive energy. Bring it on.

Its not perfect. Life can be hard, it can be painful. Life's a bitch sometimes and so am I. It can be confusing and lonely. We get down, we get scared, we get sick. We experience loss. We get well. We get stronger. We get smarter. Its life. Glorious, beautiful, funny and real. Dig your feet in, grab it up. Forget the naysayers and believe in yourself. This may or may not be your only chance. Live it well.

Care even less what people think
This does not mean be uncaring. We still need to be caring of other people, and ourselves. I know we wanna do our own thing, but were all in this together. Find a balance. Try to see where other people are coming from. Care for others, within reason, just as we would like them to care for us. And live our own lives. As gently and kindly as possible.

Enjoy the day.

Wind chimes, eggs and goals.

2012-01-05T14:10:00.000-08:00

My current wind chime in progress. I scored boxes of old hardware at a flea market recently. Hours of fun ensue.

Its been COLD for Florida. But dont you worry, its supposed to be back up to 70 tomorrow. Lucky for me I scored this awesome vintage coat at the thrift store. Stylish, thrifty and recycled.

I had a friend over for breakfast this morning. Oatmeal with goji berries and local cane syrup. Mmm... We fried up the mini egg (and split it).

In other, perhaps more important news; I have new work caring for an old friend. So it continues to fall into place, this 'bohemian' life of mine. Selling antiques, community manager, elder care provider, gardener, property maintenance and the like. It works. Im psyched. This is what I have dreamt of. Bits and pieces of assorted work, independent, money making jobs. Piecing together an income doing various work that I love and feel good about, mostly while the kids are in school. All the while having plenty of time for me, and doing what I love. This weekend I intend to sit and journal my wishes and goals for 2012. I plan to spend a few hours really examining the direction I want my life to take. Here are some of the questions I have taken from "The Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie:"What would you like to have happen in your life this year? What would you like to do, to accomplish? What would you like to attract into your life? What particular areas of growth would you like to have happen to you? What would you like to attain? Little things and big things? What would you like to have happen in friendship and love? What would you like to have happen in your family life? What problems would you like to see solve? What decisions would you like to make? What would you like to happen in your career? What would you like to see happen inside and around you?"

Try it with me. 2012 is a year to get focused and let go. To define what is really important to us and see what the universe has in store. To facilitate the change we want to see in and around us.

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." - Howard Thurman

Happy New Year! Lets all shine as bright as we can. Kristen

A magical life

2011-12-28T04:51:00.000-08:00

Hard at work.

One of my favorite parts of having chickens? Mutant eggs. The chickens egg production is down for the winter. Shorter daylight hours equals less eggs. We had been getting 5-6 a day from our 6 chickens over the summer. Now were getting maybe one a day. Christmas saw three though! Anyway, chickens dont always lay perfect eggs. We've had shell-less eggs. No shell, just a thick membrane. Apparently you can tear these open and eat the egg within 24 hours. I passed. Anyway. Last week I found this cutie in the coop. I will be making the worlds cutest fried egg one day soon.

I read this somewhere, I dont remember. But its written on a piece of paper that sits on my desk. "A Magical Life. Living Each Day as Sacred." Strive for that. Hope your day is Magical.

Christmas Spoiler Alert

2011-12-24T12:41:00.000-08:00

If I gave birth to you, please, turn back now. Otherwise, feel free to continue on.

This is what our Christmas looks like. And It feels so full. I bought my son a new bike. Like, brand new. We looked in thrift stores for months. I tried craigslist. And you know what? Sometimes you gotta just say screw it and go for it. We are fortunate to be able to. I know. So off to the neighborhood bike store. New bike for Aidan. Yay. My daughter wanted a vintage typewriter. She wants to write a book, old school style. There is still a typewriter repair shop on the west side of town. And lucky for us he repairs and sells old typewriters. A few things from the flea market, an I Love Nerds shirt for my daughter (and some cash for her too. new bike vs/ vintage type writer...). And for the stockings, chocolate. Local, yum, chocolate.

Anyway. Like "A Christmas Story", I remember Christmas past. I remember Christmas with so much stuff. Tons of stuff. New stuff. Too much stuff. I remember Christmas with not so much stuff. Christmas where I spent $50 per kid. I remember. And Im thankful for all that we have. And all that we have gone through, to get here.

Happy Holidays. Whatever they mean to you, I hope you enjoy them.

The way the wholehearted live

2011-12-18T05:41:00.000-08:00

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/15/brene-brown-vulnerability_n_1150976.html?1323965500&ncid=webmail4&ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false

Like any good nerd, I took notes on this video. This is what I got:

People who live a whole hearted life all shared the following traits;

Believe that you are worthy of love and belonging. Whole hearted. Deep sense of worthiness.

COURAGE - the courage to be imperfect
COMPASSION - to yourself first, and to others
CONNECTION - As a result of Authenticity. Willing to let go of who they thought they should be, in order to be WHO THEY ARE

Fully Embraced Vulnerability - Belief that what makes you vulnerable is what makes you beautiful. Not necessarily a comfortable experience but not excruciating either. Necessary.

* Willingness to say I love you first
* Do something with no guarantees
* Willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out
* Ability to breathe through waiting, nervousness

The way to live is with vulnerability. In our society we have a tendency to numb ourselves. We numb with alcohol, tv, drugs, etc. However we don't get to selectively numb our emotions. We numb the joy and gratitude as well as the pain. Find the ability to live through the pain.

Breakdown or spiritual awakening. They say its one and the same.

Vulnerability is the core of shame, and fear but also the birthplace of JOY, CREATIVITY, BELONGING, and LOVE!

We are imperfect and wired for struggle, but worthy of love and belonging.

Let ourselves be seen.
Love with our whole heart.
Practice gratitude and joy.

I am enough.

- from Brene Brown

Great Read

2011-12-16T03:31:00.000-08:00

http://www.inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html

And the winner is.

2011-12-15T05:40:00.000-08:00

Well it looks like Im back in the antiques business. Im excited. Small stuff. Vintage jewelry and the like. I know it well, im pretty good at it and i like it (usually). Its a way to make money. It makes sense. I walk around outside looking for beautiful, old, treasures. Its recycling too. Sorta. I get to see old friends (yay). It fits around my kids schedule, i can tailor it to mine. Well see what shape it takes. Online selling, selling to friends, a booth somewhere, a shop here? Hmm.... This and the community manager gig, the kids, the gardens, the pets, life. Its enough, for now.

Its funny, I avoided doing this because i wanted to get away from so much stuff.. Now the trick will be to do this without cramming my house full of amazing things. Oh boy. ;)

Enjoy the day.

Look Ma, no gray hair:

My daughter says I look like a Truffala Tree in this sweater.

Vanity post. Not really.

2011-12-08T06:59:00.001-08:00

I dyed my hair. Actually, a new neighbor and friend hennaed my hair. First time in four years. Four years of gray hair, and really kind of loving it. But alas, I got bored with it and so... light reddish brown. In examining the gray hair (cause lets be honest, these days I feel compelled to examine most everything) this is what i learned. I learned to love gray hair. I learned to look for and love seeing women (and men) strong enough to rock their authentic hair. I learned people in some places are more prone to wearing gray hair then others. I dont think I saw gray hair on anyone under 7o while visiting Long Island. Not much gray hair in LA either. I learned to change the way I look in the mirror. Or walk away when I cant look in the mirror, and be nice to myself. Im trying to learn to age gracefully. To accept myself through the years. Ive learned that some people really do like gray hair. That for some men/women, it really is who you are. And Ive learned that those are the men I want to date, when I want to date. And Ive learned that it is okay to have fun with your appearance. To change things up when you need to. To wear makeup when you want to. And not when you dont. I wore makeup regularly from 18 -36. Totally succumbed to advertising, culture and vanity. I dont know if I ever even questioned it. And then I stopped. And now at 40, Ive come to a place of wearing it when I want to, not because i feel I have to. Or because Im supposed to. The pendulum swung pretty far in the opposite direction for me, the last four years. I had to try on other ways of living, to come to the middle ground of where I want to be, where I am, for now.

So Ive colored my hair, not to hide anything but to mix it up a bit. To try something else on for size. Again.

Thanks for reading, for being here, for your support, encouragement and kind words through the years. You help me sit down and write. Even when its about hair color. Enjoy the day. K

How to plant a tree...

2011-12-05T04:58:00.000-08:00

So with all my talk of tree planting, I figured i could give a quick over view. There are a zillion and one good gardening books out there Im sure. Though, I for one havent learned much from gardening books. Ive been fortunate to have great gardeners in my life for the past 15 years. I have learned from them, trial and error, and garden center folks. And google. I could google plants for hours.

Basically, ya wanna dig your hole twice as big as the root system of the tree. I once heard "a $10 hole for a $5 tree." Check your soil. Does your soil need to be amended? Here in Florida we are more apt to have a variation of sand then 'good' soil. So now when I plant i add our compost. (Maybe a compost post...). But more then likely, if the tree your planting is good for your area you're good to go. Ok. So $10 hole. You dont want the hole to be too deep. Just a little bit deeper then the trees root system, and wider. Water the hole. If youve got compost or rich soil to add, toss some in. Stick your $5 tree in. Cover the roots back up. Compact the soil around the roots by pressing down or lightly stepping around the base, ya wanna try and get rid of any big air pockets. Water. Mulch with leaves, or straw, or... mulch. And then, depending on your climate and rain fall, water every day for about a week. In Florida or other hot climates for the summer time, you may need to water every other day for the second week. Weekly watering (in lieu of rain) would be good idea for the first six months to a year. I have yet to do this... ;)

Basically my approach to gardening has always been, just do it. Somethings better then nothing. The grapefruit tree that I planted 7 years ago, before i 'knew' as much as i 'know' now? Its doing great. I ride my bike over to my ex-house and pick the fruit because my childrens father and his wife are not down with grapefruit. Lucky me.

Talk to people. Gardeners in general, LOVE to talk about gardening and plants. Find out what works for others in your area, and what doesnt. Support your local, independent garden centers. Their people are often really knowledgeable, local gardeners. Have fun.

Imagine

2011-11-19T07:37:00.001-08:00

Often times when I am out gardening I think about what it would be like if more of us were doing it. What it will be like. Imagine a neighborhood full of people out planting in their yards. Neighbors chatting and laughing while they plant fruit trees. Imagine yards full of food producing trees, instead of waste producing lawns. Imagine pears in the summer, cherries in the spring, citrus in the winter, apples in the fall. Or some other variation, in your own yard! Imagine people taking back some part of our own food production. Imagine spending our time and money making the world a more beautiful, healthy place instead of creating more waste. Imagine us using our power to green the environment instead of the pockets of already huge and wealthy corporations. Imagine the contentment that can come from more beautiful, lush and edible spaces. Planting oxygen producing, nitrogen fixing, air filtering plants and trees. Imagine the feelings of satisfaction when you create an environment for butterflies, birds, frogs and lizards. Imagine more and more of us doing it. Yard after yard offered back to the natural world.

We are all responsible for the destruction to our environment, to our society. With our greed, naievety, stupidity and inattention, we are all to blame. But we are so much stronger then that. And it is time to start the the process of healing our earth and ourselves. I remember a friend saying we could keep driving our cars if we kept planting trees. As in any healthy relationship it cant be all take and no give.

My mind is boggled by those who continue to deny climate change. By those who believe we can continue to pollute the air and ground, de-forest the land, pump chemicals and sewage into the water and not have a negative impact. Its common sense folks. We cant have a balanced relationship with the earth if its all take and no give. Plant, garden, buy less, want less. Be the change. The earth is amazing. We are amazing. We can heal our planet, and ourselves. Start now. Give and take folks, give and take.

Occupy your yard!

2011-11-04T05:54:00.000-07:00

I love the Occupy movement. I love seeing people stand up and say, this isnt right, this isnt working. Im not going to say much because so many people have said it better then I could. But I will share this great article:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/max-berger/what-if-the-occupy-moveme_b_1072174.html

One of my favorite lines from the article: "I believe the Occupy movement is united by our shared desire to move from being a thing-oriented society to becoming a people-oriented society; to build a society based on love, instead of greed."

Something I want to add is, Occupy your yard. Plant food. Plant a fruit tree. Plant habitats for birds and butterflies, bees and frogs. Start small. Plant one fruit tree and watch it grow. Even if you rent, that tree will be there for someone, someday. Start the process of reclaiming our food, our health, our planet.

I bought a pear tree at the flea market for $14 a few weeks ago. Next year I will have a couple pears. In three years there will be buckets of pears. Meantime, I get to watch it grow and blossom out my kitchen window. My children and I get to watch hummingbirds rest on its branches. And one day, when Im gone from this place, someone else will enjoy the bounty.

"What is paradise, but a garden?" Grow your own.

September 2011

2011-09-13T08:17:00.000-07:00

After a long hot, dry summer we have had a couple of cooler mornings now. A taste of things to come. A teaser of inspiration for the garden. I am starting seed flats of greens. Kale, collards and lettuce. I plan on doing one large bed of a varieties of kale as that is my favorite, and purported to be the most nutritious of greens. And hardy too. Rethinking my ever expanding gardens and incorporating more flowers. Native butterfly plants like milkweed and salvia. In June, the kids and I moved into the main house in our community. Much bigger than our previous houses, we all have our own bedrooms now, just in time for Jr. High. My children graduated elementary school in June, my daughter as 'valedictorian' with all A's, all year. My son with mostly As and some Bs sprinkled throughout. They continue to amaze me. The new house suits us incredibly well. Situated right next to the gardens, I imagine that at some point the gardens will wrap all the way around our home. Having a more spacious (but still small) kitchen is just dreamy. I especially love the windows that look out onto what will one day soon be planted with fruit trees. Currently relatively untouched, and full of wildflowers, the hummingbirds are a treat most every morning. And in the kitchen, I have been juicing and incorporating more raw foods into my diet and I feel great. I have lost weight (too many egg breakfasts!), my skin looks healthier and I have more energy. With the children becoming slightly more independent I am beginning to look for work outside the community. Though I still adore living here, as property manager, I find sometimes its quite a challenge living in a neighborhood where one is currently pissing off most of the tenants in a variety of ways. Raising rents, late fees, cleaning up after your dog (Im talking inside the house folks!). Ahh.. I have a few friends that want to hire me for various assistant jobs. And yet, one of the strongest suggestions I have received from friends is marketing myself. Assistance and coaching in simplifying, gardening and holistic living. Sharing what I have learned over the past 3-5 years of this journey. I feel like I am ready. I have been through many transitions and phases of paring down and simplifying. My life, though far from perfect, is calmer, healthier and more grounded than ever before. I continue to see the brilliance in simplifying. I continue to pare down and let go. My house, though already streamlined, can always use further purging. Thus I sell or donate the unnecessary. And i reap the rewards. $400 on ebay last week. And in the midst of back to school, major transitions, packing antiques to ship, community discord, garden, romance and chickens, I let my house go. And what strikes me the most is though my floors may be covered in forest dirt and the dust sparkles like diamonds in the afternoon sun, its manageable. 2200 square feet (yes, you read that right) can be manageable when its is not cluttered. And the laundry piles on the floor can even be acceptable when people come to tour my house, because thats how I roll. And as enticing as laundry may be (not!), there are flowers to be planted. Sweet potatoes to propagate in galvanized tin buckets, looking lovely on my porch. Truly, I would much rather ride with my best pal to the zoo for a truckload of poo for the gardens. There are a million and one fun things to do when you are not tied to your stuff. Or you can just sit. I leave you with some catch up photos, and I hope this finds you well and wonderful.

ha

2010-11-15T15:22:00.000-08:00

you know what never ceases to amaze and entertain me about writing and blogging? trying to capture a moment. as soon as you write it, it changes. Today i stepped barefoot onto a twig/stick/thorn in our mulch. barbed at the top, it went an inch deep into my foot. a trip to the urgent care, where they slit the puncture, removed the stick, and stictched it up (one stitch), tetnus shot and anti-biotics. i am now laying in bed eating ice cream and appreciating the irony of my last hard working post. bed rest for a few days. and maybe no heels on friday night. ah well. put your shoes on hippies. love.

Another great interview on the Kathleen Show

2010-10-28T12:52:00.000-07:00

http://www.thekathleenshow.com/2010/10/24/ellen-ruppel-shell/

Ellen Ruppel Shell author of "Cheap: The High Cost of Discount Culture". In this great interview Kathleen and Ellen discuss the high price were paying for the money were not really saving. The impact of mass produced, cheap stuff on our environment, our wallets and our selves.

A moment

2010-10-09T14:50:00.000-07:00

I had this great moment on my way to the Arts Market today. Flying over the bridge, over the river, on my little red motor scooter. High above the St. Johns, level with a crow. Going slightly faster than the crow flies. Breathing it in. On my way. To beautiful people, amazing food, music and art. Reminds me of friends; "This love is always here for you, just breathe it in." Peace.

A day

2010-10-03T03:54:00.001-07:00

9/27/2010

This morning I have gotten my children happily off to school. Early mornings, 6 am rise. I love the newness of the day. I hula hooped enthusiatically for exercise. Met with our awesome carpenter friend for various work projects and ate delicious healthy, homemade muffins courtesy of Erin (who recently got a job in a nearby raw food kitchen. Yay Erin! Go you. A bit of gardening (its sloww right now) and then a bike ride. On my way home I had this great thought. What else can I do thats healthy for me? And I thought aboout that. About how healthy for me radiates to healthy for my children, my family, my friends, my world. How healing ourselves really can help heal our world. I thought about small actions and big dreams. A quiet life and aspirations of a healthier world for all of us.

So I came home and wrote (thats pretty low impact). We did some work on cleaning up the burned house remnants from this past winter. Project make it beautiful where once there was a house has begun. (Free mulch from the tree surgeons being delivered later this week.) And then my children will be home from school. Homework, playing, snuggles, dinner. Its a full day. As simple as that.

All the best.

September

2010-09-17T10:59:00.000-07:00

Drying herbs and chiles from the garden.

Compost. Yeah!

Okra

I confess to getting distracted by the beauty of this world on a regular basis.

After the edible salt marsh plants. After swimming in the ocean in the pouring rain. After the dolphin and full rainbow across the bay. After the most incredible of days.

Its whats for dinner.

Ahh.. We have been under 90 for days now. Its particularly 'cool' in the woods here and there. There, where I went last weekend for an Ethno Botany Intensive. Plant walks, plant swims. I learned so much and laughed so hard. Professional plant geeks. Im such a novice. But oh, Im a learnin. I learned two 'new' to me edible flowers for salads. Okra flowers, which are the most beautiful and sweet little Sida, a patch of which I just spotted growing next to our circle garden. They are tiny, peach colored wild flowers. And fun to nibble.

And speaking of nibbling. Yesterday i shared eggplant, green beans and okra with a friend and teachers at my childrens school. And senate bill S510 came to mind. Now, Im not a 'politically active' person. I vote and I lay low. But this bill, I keep hearing about it and I dont like what i hear. I did some research and what I got from it is that it could affect sharing your food with friends and neighbors, like i love to do. And it would, most likely, negatively affect small farmers and farmers markets. Making licensing prohibitively expensive. I ask you to do some research, check it out and write your senator. I did.

'I am nobodys. I belong to this earth. I am powerful beyond measure.'

What if?

2010-09-09T06:27:00.000-07:00

If ones life is simple, contentment has to come. Simplicity is extremely important for happiness. Having few desires, feeling satisfied with what you have, is very vital: Satisfaction with just enough food, clothing and shelter. - Dalai Lama

Inspired by another friends blog post of her, as is.

When your wants are pretty simple, the smallest things can bring you joy. For instance, Ladybugs in the garden... Last week Erin found a heart shaped muffin pan at the thrift store, when she had been wanting a second muffin pan with all her baking.. She made dinner muffins, I made pea soup. We compliment each other so well.

Feelin extra special idealistic the other day, I wrote this in a journal.

"What if all day long we were bombarded with messages of how good we are?.. Messages of how much love and laughter and light were capable of.. What if all day long our televisions and radio and peers told us the truth? That we had enough and are enough. That we are lovely and beautiful, right now. What if our shows and books, music and magazines, modeled healthy relationships, healthy lives and healthy living? What if? And why not? What if everyone of us searched inside for the peace within? What if everyone of us realized that we can be vessels of healing and peace and we all worked towards that. Imagine. Imagine what this world would be like."

I dunno. I like to envision this... And let me tell you, we are all beautiful and capable of wonderful things.

"If I preach against the modern artificial life of sensual enjoyment, and ask men and women to go back to the simple life... I do so because i know that without an intelligent return to simplicity, there is no escape from our descent to a state lower than brutality." Gandhi

Light and Fluffy, light and fluffy. XOXO

August

2010-08-22T06:14:00.000-07:00

Trip to NY was pretty amazing. 4000 miles in two and a half weeks. The kids and I. I drove in NYC for the first and hopefully, last time. The foods delicious, people are nice, friends are great. Traffic, Traffic, Smelly. I am not a city girl.. Next up, Upstate NY where we saw the house I lived in until I was 10, their age. Pictured above was my backyard, my playground as a child. I had a rowboat and parents that trusted me with it. I think i was about 7 when they started letting me go out in it alone. We camped in Pennsylvania and stayed with friends in Chatham, NY. Camping and caverns, and friends along the way home in NC. And all along the road, Art and Nature. Museums and parks. The kids did lots of reading and drawing and playing in the car. We packed our own snacks and drinks, and brought our cloth napkins.. I traded in my last car for a hybrid a few months ago, so that did some to help with the guilt of 4000 miles on the road. We try. And we live our lives. Home again, driving less, the car parked for days. Back to school shopping at the thrift store. We spent $45 last week and they got great 'new' in style clothes.

The garden is still producing even though it has been somewhat neglected. Its Florida in August. Ive been away and we all came down with a stomach virus upon our return. Bleck. School has started, the garden is calling my name, and i am starting to listen. I miss it but confess to being intimidated by mosquito's and heat. and weeds. Still. Mmm.. I ordered 30 packs of organic seeds from Baker Creek Heirloom seeds. My biggest seed acquisition to date..I had been wondering how you know when your cantaloupe is ready on the vine. Apparently, when the animals start biting into it, its ready. I was in the grocery store yesterday and saw cantaloupe 2 for $5. and it wasn't even organic. I have been eating cantaloupe from the garden every day. Me and the raccoons. The raccoons that ate the chickens while we were in NY. Try again soon.

Friend Erin is still with us. Ellie told me last week its like having a big sister. Yeah. A big sister that bakes and cooks and cleans. Awesome. For all of us. When she came in April we thought it would be for two to three weeks. Apparently, its working out pretty well.

My kids are ten. Growing up, maturing, having conversations. Ellie said to me the other night, you know mom, you're really lucky. I know I am, but why? Because you get to stay home. So many grownups would like to stay home, not have a regular job. Hmm... You're right, I love this life but you know... Over the years Ive had many friends, met many people, men and women who say they couldn't do it. Say they tried and then went crazy. Couldn't wait to get back to work. Staying home was too hard. Being with the kids all the time, too much. Too boring. Too little recognition. Not enough money. And you know what? It is or can be all of the above. Like everything else its not perfect. And its perfect. Its challenging for me sometimes, but i know having a full time, outside job would be too. We live a society that no longer values what can go into life at home. Emphasis being on what we do, how much money we make, what we can buy, instead of who we are and how we live.. But that is slowly changing. People are waking up, unsatisfied. Realizing the more more more lifestyle we've been sold and taught will never be enough and at the same time its too much for our planet. And still, at this time, women or men, who do opt to stay, live, work, play at home have to swallow our pride and at the same time have pride, in what we do as valuable and viable. And doing it our way. Whatever that entails. But doing it differently and beautifully. Having a life, being more than a chauffeur and consumer. Reaching out, continuing to learn. Growing own food. One less person on the road each day. One more child with a parent after school. My own mother worked and went to school all through my childhood. I was a latch-key kid from 10 on. It worked out fine. I'm glad my mother had those choices. It was never what i wanted for my own family.. (alright, neither was divorce but that's another story...) Grateful for the community manager gig, that helps us make it comfortably and teaches me patience, compassion and understanding. Dealing closely with neighbors and friends of such different personality, background and lifestyle. And somehow making it work, quite nicely really.

Im reading "The heroine's journey" by Maureen Murdock 'Womans Quest for Wholeness'. What a great book. A sort of, 'third wave', feminist book that is male positive, that values the art of being home and nurturing. A beautiful, spiritual book about personal and cultural transformation. I borrowed it from a friend and then bought a copy at the used book store so that I may share it with other friends. Check it out.

so maybe once in a while :)

2010-07-20T04:00:00.000-07:00

Well our two chicks (Rhode Island Reds) spent their first night outside in the coop last night. Neighbor James and I camped out to make sure they were ok. This place is loaded with raccoons and the occasional Red Fox so, I would really like the coop to be Fort Knox. Friend Roger built it, cause hes awesome. And I spent yesterday re-enforcing. Everyone made it through the night, so far, so good. This past weekend I spent camping in Myakka City, Florida with Valerie. We had never been there before, so beautiful. Swimming in the beautiful Lake Manatee, Alligators, Shmalligators. The road trip inspired me once again to see more of Florida. But first, NY. The kids and I leave tomorrow for a few weeks in NY. Brooklyn, Bronx, LI, then the much anticipated upstate. Grateful for friend Erin still living in our foyer. Caring for our animals and plants and home in our abscence. Enjoying the peace that surrounds.

Its funny and surreal sometimes watching your dreams come true. Living in the woods, chickens in the Coupe. Happy, sweet children. Beautiful friends. Chosen Family. Community. Food Gardens. Peace. Joy. Laughter. Building the world we wish to live in. I still have my struggles, my silly mind still gets the best of me somedays. Life can be challenging, its supposed to be. But it can be oh so beautiful too. Shine on.

"We must be willing to get rid of the life that we've planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell

Summer

2010-06-16T08:25:00.000-07:00

For a variety of reasons I am no longer feeling the blog and well, I guess I havent been for a long time. I think perhaps, at this time, I have shared all I have to share for that leg of the journey.. Focusing on the kids, the chickens, the garden and moving forward. I may post pics from time to time. I wish you all the best. :)

May bee

2010-05-05T15:53:00.000-07:00

My camera has passed on. So no pictures which is a bummer cause lady, it is beautiful around here! The garden has been blessing us with amazing abundance. With the exception of carrots, I havent bought vegetables since January.. Delicious salads, now the squash are coming in.. I just put the Okra (oh yeah) in the ground. 15 tomato plants and counting. Eggplant, peppers, zucchini, corn, bush beans and a plethora of herbs. Dill, parsley, sage, thyme, basil, taragon, fennel, oregano, on and on and now starting with medicinal herbs.. I have never eaten so well, and saving money.. My mother bought me herbs and fruit trees for my bday, the trees will likely be planted tomorrow with the help of a friend. Our friend Erin is living with us, helping us as we go along. Such a blessing to spend my days working in the garden, around the community and still everything is taken care of in the house. As I type my children sit in front of the open windows playing jenga. Neighbor James is outside working the compost. The chicken coop materials are piled up, ready to go. The property owners came last week and are really happy with how the community is going along. So i received their blessing to carry on with the plantings and scheming/dreaming. Soon we will put in another large garden, I cant wait.. Food everywhere. The current chicken coop plan has it being incorporated into the cool existing shed at the garden site. As Erin said today, such a luxurious life. And it is. When you take out all the pretense, all the big stuff... A salad washed in rain water, followed by cookies, shared with a friend... It doesnt get much better than that.

Happy Beautiful Sunday

2010-04-04T18:59:00.000-07:00

It has been glorious. Today I put away my scarves, hats and gloves. Today, a long awaited burst of energy coursed through me. Tonight after dinner, I just had to hop on my fabulous, 'new', garbage find of a vintage green Galaxy Flyer bicycle and ride. Oh Spring, the possibilities are endless.

Our garden is growing yet again. The satellite garden is now about the same size as the main garden. Our two big bins (metal, pet enclosures) of compost were emptied to create our larger garden. I have planted tomatoes, squash, rosemary, lettuce, basil, and started a plethora of seeds. I am currently most excited about the cauliflower which i have not grown before and is one of my favorite veggies. A few weeks ago when the little white mounds finally appeared I gasped and then went running about. Peering into all of the plants, thrilled, having never seen cauliflower growing before. Now the little white mounds are big and almost ready for eatin. Pictures to follow, Im sure.

I have designated April as chicken month around here. My goal is to build the coop this month. It has been my dream to build it from all salvaged materials. But then, when the materials didnt start falling from the sky, i became skeptical. Sunday, neighbor James and I started with oh, maybe we should just buy what we need. Its for a good cause. Chickens. It would be so much easier. Its for food and independence. Blah blah blah. Falling back on easy and buying it and really its so easy to justify. And in my mind, and in so many ways it is an acceptable purchase. And then i went to bed and happened upon an article in Mother Earth News about a family who built their own beautiful home and work shop from all salvaged materials. So. Back to plan A. If people, and there are many who do, can build a home from salvage, we can certainly build a chicken coop. So, Im making phone calls and piles, this outta be interesting. Hopefully we can come up with some plywood quickly cause we are hot to get started and new friends have showed up to help. They are camping up front and it is a pleasure to have them. Yay friends. Yay beautiful people with open hearts and minds. Yay chickens and eggs and chicken poop for gardens.

Yay for everyone of us trying to live a better, kinder, simpler life, outside the box. Blessings abound.

Whats goin on.

2010-03-15T20:36:00.000-07:00

Fire (the good kind), sweaters,games, books and quilts on the windows is how we made it through the winter. I am doing the spring dance now though.

I found this amazing chair in the garbage. No joke. All it needed was a new seat bottom. The cushion and red velvet covering was there. So I borrowed a buzz saw from a friend and with a piece of plywood (that i found in the garbage) i made a new seat.

All furnishings courtesy of thrift stores, friends and the garbage boutique.

Saturday was spent outside building fairy houses and gardening. My daughter did the cutting back of ornamentals. (She likes tools!) No more freezes.

Monday night, the kids were at their Dads. I took a plate, salad dressing and seasoned sunflower seeds from a friend, out to the garden and had the most beautiful dinner.

I have been volunteering my Tuesdays at friends organic farm. Im learning and working outside, surrounded by beautiful people in exchange for experience, community and some vegetables. I highly recommend you check out the small, family owned organic farms in your community. They would probably love your help and you would probably learn and love.

I just dropped off the remnants of our 'not shopping' box at the thrift store. A few weeks ago I brought a couple items of clothing to a neighbor I thought would enjoy them. The last skirt i could wear to a 'job' or someplace professional, but not my garden. Gone. In exchange she had two boxes of clothes someone had given her. I helped myself, and then put some more of my clothes in the boxes. And then started calling similar sized friends. There was something for everyone and as we went along, some friends added items of their own to the boxes. Two weeks and seven ladies later, I brought a handful of clothes to the thrift store. It was such a fun and rewarding experience. It was so nice to see my beautiful friends, all of whom are on a 'budget', come up with something fun and new to them.

I am about to finish reading a fantastic and inspiring book. Radical Homemakers, Reclaiming Domesticity from a Consumer Culture by Shannon Hayes. http://radicalhomemakers.com Go to her site. Check it out. I cant say enough good about it, so i wont (really I need to go see about an art project). From the back of the book: "Radical Homemakers is about men and women across the US who focus on home and hearth as a political and ecological act; who center their lives around family and community for personal fulfillment and cultural change. It explores what domesticity looks like in an era that has benefited from feminism; where domination and oppression are cast aside, where the choice to sty home is no longer equated with mind-numbing drudgery, economic insecurity, or relentless servitude.... If you ever considered quitting a job to plant tomatoes, read to a child, pursue creative work, can green beans and heal the planet, this is your book."

The other night it took me at least an hour to fall asleep because of all the wonderful images from a beautiful day, running through my head. Laying in bed, savoring the day. What a change. What a life. I wish you well. xo

2010-03-15T20:09:00.000-07:00

I have a new appreciation for peas. They are so sweet and beautiful and hardworking. First the delicious pea shoots, for many weeks. Then, from the pea shoots we hadnt continually been munching on, the delicate flowers (like impatience) and from the flower a pea pod (that i couldnt get a clear picture of).

The nursery. Last year I grew some greens and such in this in a neighbors front yard. This year it serves as a nursery, TLC pool, and holding space. I found the pool in the garbage and used a hammer and nail to put drainage holes in the bottom. Certainly if you have a drill, that would be perhaps the way to go. ;)

Peach tree toddler and what used to be a pool shed.

In the garden photos

2010-03-15T19:15:00.000-07:00

The new 'satellite' garden. Started out as an oval.. Our compost mixed with dirt and laid atop of cardboard. The cardboard kills the weeds underneath, breaks down and attracts earthworms. The cardboard is simply boxes from dumpsters or supermarket (ask in your produce section).

Now why would anyone throw out a perfectly good angel? Cilantro baby in silver handle-less gravy boat. And an Artichoke to be. Perhaps.

Parsley and company

My friend Dill. Dill, I was never a big fan until you were growing in my garden. Now, I gotta tell you, you're pretty and soft and you were green all winter. You taste good too. Thanks!

Dill, softening the appearance of the fire investigator and insurance person.

Ouch

2010-03-11T06:35:00.000-08:00

One of our houses burned Sunday night. The smallest house, located next door to us, just outside our door. Just outside the dining room window. A heater plugged into an extension cord, hanging over a couch. The couch ignited, the chair caught on fire. Most everything inside the house is lost. Fire damage, smoke damage and the aftermath of the fire fighters may have totaled the house. Nobody was home at the time, all people are physically unscathed. The musician that lived there lost all of his instruments. Fiddle, guitar, trombone, clarinet, electrical equipment. No renters insurance. We gave him back his deposit and half months rent, which may or may not have been the business decision, but from the heart it feels right. And though it ultimately is his responsibility, It could have been anyone of us. I have walked out of the house with the tea kettle on the stove, boiling. The idea of losing something as personal as your instruments... So, we gave in hopes that he would make music with the money. The house was insured and though not for much, the money we gave is a small percentage. And now what will happen with the house and the community remains to be seen. We could, potentially, rebuild. The owners of the property may, for a variety of reasons, choose not to. We have been dreaming of an outdoor kitchen for a while, this may become the spot. I'm meeting with the insurance adjuster this afternoon. As life experiences go, this is not one of my favorites. But I'm learning. Always learning.

An electrician friend of mine came out on Monday to survey the damage and offer his support. He has been an electrician for over twenty years and said that in the last six months he has seen more electrical fires than ever before. Mostly, in these times, people trying to save money and doing work themselves, splicing wires. Another hazard he mentioned is having too high of a wattage bulb in fixtures. Your fixtures are rated, and a 75 or 100 watt bulb in a 60 watt fixture is never a good idea. Extension cords can be quite dangerous, use power surge protectors he says. Be really careful with your heaters. Unplug them when you're not at home. Don't sleep with them on. I'm told that in the offending cord/heater combo the heater was turned off, but not unplugged. Be careful. Pay attention. If a cord gets warm or an outlet sparks or makes noise, get it checked out by a professional.

In other news, its warming up. And i hope it is for you too. My garden plans are thus: Just keep planting. Broccoli is delicious fresh from the garden. Yesterday I created a small satellite garden off the main garden (which is full!). I planted squash, arugula, oodles of cilantro, Dino kale and a bunch of other mystery greens a friend gave me yesterday. The small satellite garden that i created in the morning was full once friends dropped by with a car full of plants, unexpectedly. I will expand it shortly. We give and we receive. Give and receive. And breathe. xo

Grateful Day

2010-03-03T05:51:00.000-08:00

I painted the word grateful on my bedroom wall shortly after we moved in. When I lay in bed, it reminds me. When Ive had a tough day, it reminds me. First thing in the morning, and last thing at night. Be grateful. A friend told me many years ago, 'think grateful thoughts, grateful thoughts are the lightest of thoughts.' And there is so much to be grateful for.

One night last week, when we were all chilling in my bed, my son said "Mom, didn't you spell grateful wrong? Shouldn't it be G R E A T F U L L?" I love that. Great-full. Heck yeah! Here's to having a day full of great. xoxo

Lunches and stuffs

2010-02-25T06:13:00.000-08:00

A tiny fragment of the pacific ocean garbage patch. I just set this as my computer desktop picture. To remind us why.

I freed this beautiful garden table from the trash a couple of months ago.

Garbage stresses me out. Plastic lunch baggies, when they make their way into my house, get me kinda wiggy. The idea of using something to hold our food for a few hours and then throw it out. Think about it. Think about how many school children and brown baggers are throwing out plastic bags and 'juice boxes' everyday. Think about school cafeteria garbage pails across the country, then across the world. Think about how much needless waste, created each day. In the name of convenience and feeding ourselves we are littering the planet.. Since my children began kindergarten we have used reusable containers, thermoses and cloth napkins. This was the policy at the Montessori school they attended and it really helped en grain the concept on us. We are not perfect and we don't live in a perfect world. We buy food that comes in packaging, but we are cutting back. We are trying. And if we can avoid putting the food that comes in disposable packaging into other disposable packaging, well.. That's a really good step. I haven't bought plastic baggies or plastic wrap in years, and i have never missed it. Again, saving money and creating less waste. Those two seem to go hand in hand. At our last covered dish party we had about 50 people. We used china dishes and glasses. Friends pitched in to help wash. It took a some more work but to host a party that size and put next to nothing in the garbage pail? That was such a peaceful feeling.

For food storage at home i like vintage glass containers that I have picked up at garage sales, flea markets or thrift stores. I even scored a sweet turquoise covered casserole dish from the trash. You can generally find these pretty cheap and I try to avoid storing food in plastic. My friends and I like our to go drinks in covered mason jars.

Think about the Pacific Garbage Patch. I hope and imagine most of you have heard of it by now. Twice the size of Texas and weighing about 3.5 million tons, an island of trash floating between Hawaii and San Francisco. Up to about 80% of this garbage patch is made of plastic. What if everyone began today, to find a way to create less trash? What would that look like? Imagine. Don't you want do your part and keep your families waste out of this by creating less trash? Don't you want to be able to sail the ocean with our grandchildren and show them all the beautiful marine life? Rather than all the waste we created with our own callous, hurried way of living. I say living and cringe at the irony. We can do better and we can start today. Google images of the Pacific garbage patch if you need further inspiration.

One of my current favorite meals consists of a bowl of olive oil mixed with herbs and salt and carried out to the garden. In the garden I fold lettuce with kale or cabbage and green onions to be dipped into the oil. It is so fresh and so good and when its warm and the sun is shining.. Heavenly food with no packaging. This is my dream of fast food.

One of the books I am currently perusing is the Tao Te Ching (alright, its the pocket edition. a gift from a friend, many years ago :0). I love this:

In dwelling, live close to the ground.
In thinking, keep to the simple.
In conflict, be fair and generous.
In governing, dont try to control.
In work, do what you enjoy.
In family life, be completely present.

Fill your bowl to the brim
and it will spill.
Keep sharpening your knife
and it will blunt.
Chase after money and security
and your heart will never unclench.
Care about people's approval
and you will be their prisoner.

Wise words for all of us. Breathe it in.

xoxo

A lean, green, not so much cleaning machine

2010-02-23T13:31:00.000-08:00

Ive been wanting to write about cleaning and cleaning supplies for awhile now. How to write about this and not make it boring, mundane or preachy? Enter the following email from my good friend Nancy. Nancy and I have been friends since 5th grade, with a 15 year gap that was bridged last year courtesy of facebook. She is still the beautiful and entertaining soul Ive always loved. The following is a conversation she had with her seven year old son, Dayton.

Nancy: Hey, so I know you've noticed that we are all out of paper towels. Well, I'm not going to buy anymore for a while.

Dayton: What should we use then?

Well, ya know how we talk about reduce, reuse, recycle?

Yeah, and we can't reuse paper towels, of course.

Right, so we will use sponges, towels and dish rags, etc... all things we can reuse. And I might even stop buying paper napkins. We'll use cloth napkins that we can wash. By reusing we will also be reducing the amount of garbage we create.

Cool, but it's going to be like a wiggly tooth for a while.

(Pause) What?!

(Audible sigh) Ya know how when you have a wiggly tooth ...you wiggle it a lot?

Ummm, sure.

And then after it comes out, you still try to wiggle it until you get use to it not being there??

Oh! Right. Wait, what does that have to do with paper towels?

Well, for a while I think I will keep going over HERE to get paper towels (walks across room). And when I set the table I will go all the way over HERE to get the napkins (walks to pantry). But what I SHOULD do is go over HERE to get the towels (walks to drawer). Just like a wiggly tooth, see?

(Suppressed laughter) Yep, I guess it really is just like a wiggly tooth, huh?

Yep. And please don't laugh at me when I go the wrong place.

Absolutely. I know it will take some getting used to. I'll probably do it too so don't laugh at me either, k?

(Very serious) Ok. Deal.

It is like a wiggly tooth. It may take getting used to but, I haven't bought paper towels since I moved into the woods. That's two years in April. Its been easy for me, I don't miss the dispose able paper products (except maybe, when a dog has an accident). No paper towels, no paper napkins, no cleaning products. I use vinegar, baking soda or Dr. Bronners natural soaps on everything. I have some orange oil cleaner that was gifted me. For rags i tear up old towels or shirts, just like our mothers did. I have lovely cloth napkins and towels i buy at thrift stores and garage sales. For shampoo we use soap that was bought at the farmers market or made by friends. Works just fine. Actually, come to think of it, it works better than fine. My hair, when washed, has much more body that in did in the old shampoo and conditioner days. I have also been hearing and reading about washing your hair with a baking soday/water combo which i will likely try next. You can read more about it here, at this beautiful blog: http://asonomagarden.wordpress.com/ We have a couple bottles of conditioner left over or gifted, we don't use it much. I'm sure there are plenty of things in the kitchen we can condition our hair with when we run out. The money I save, the amount of trash we are not creating, the less we 'need', the fewer chemicals we are putting in and on our bodies.. It makes it more than worth it. We don't have a vacuum. They have become so disposable, planned obsolescence. We have stone or tile floors throughout. I sweep with a broom I have begun sharing with a neighbor. He just moved in, doesn't have a broom. Rather than go out and buy one we decided to share mine. How nice is that? Truth be told its not like were using it all that much.. What, once a week? Dude, all my neighbors can use my broom. Its a great opportunity to have a conversation or know that one of us is actually cleaning their house. Brooms too have become so disposable. Made of different pieces of plastic, they break. Brooms of old are still around. Brooms from before they figured out how to make them super cheap, with plastic parts, guaranteed to break so that we need to BUY MORE!

And while were on the subject of cleaning. Theres just that, cleaning. I love a clean house. I will on occasion pay a friend to help me clean house. Cause well, as much as i love a clean house its not where i focus. And really, Ive come to realize Ive never lost a friend or potential friend because of the state of my house. Well, not to my knowledge. If someone doesn't want to be friends because things are out of place, toys are scattered and my floor has leaves and dirt well... Yknow were probably not cut out to be the best of friends anyway. And trust me when I tell you my kids are quite content with the comfort of our home. I'm not a neat freak and I no longer feel the need to play one. My house is lived in, we are real. I am loved as I am or I am not. And who i am I am enjoys who I am now. With dirt on my floors, things out of place, games stacked under the coffee table and compost under my nails. I may never make it into an advertisement but damn if I finally freakin figured out how to love myself and my own life! "You look particularly clean today" is something i have heard from more than one friend. That's alright. They have isolated a bacteria in dirt that fights depression.The lone bumper sticker on my car, a gift from a friend, reads "tree hugging dirt worshipper". I'm taking it all the way.

Thank you Nancy for inspiring this post. I love you!

Barter and trade

2010-02-20T13:53:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I received a well needed haircut. The woman who cuts my hair is a beautiful soul, yoga instructor, gardener. Married to an artist, living in their own patch of woods. Since I left my old life, she has refused to take money from me. I have paid her in plants, I have paid it forward. Yesterday I paid her in cabbage, kale and lavendar. That was my favorite so far. When Anna was dying she would come to our woods and cut our hair on the porch, just for goodness sake.

Tomorrow I will receive a sure to be delightful massage, from my dear friend Lindsey. Smart, funny and a talented massage and bodywork therapist. I spend time with her beautiful baby boy in exchange for massage. I like to imagine a world where more of this takes place. Where people share what they have, share their talents, their gifts and their love. There is a website Justfortheloveofit.org that is dedicated to doing just that. Connecting neighbors with skills or tools to share, no money involved.

Yesterday I sat writing in the sun. That too, is a trade. A trade off that at times is quite hard for me. My children are with their father for the long weekend. Every other week they go to him for four nights. The following week its two nights. Four is a challenge for me. It is said that children of divorce do best when they have enough time with each parent. Love from each parent. And so they go. This too is a trade. I have had to trade days away from my children for my freedom, happiness and peace. And I think, my life. In my old life, unhappiness was robbing me of my health. So now the time that i do have with my children is truer, and happier and healthier. They have their mother in full spirit. And i love that for all of us. I am thankful they have a father that is so involved in their lives, even though we lead such different lives. But oh, I do miss them.

This morning we worked on the compost, two neighbor friends and I. James uttered the phrase "lets blaze a trail of compost through this place." I love that. Yes, lets. Then sitting, talking, enjoying the day. I used a buzzsaw for the first time and made a new seat for a beautiful old chair I found in the garbage. I have a thing for saws..

I am finding how much I love our communal areas, how much i love sharing. The garden, the swing, the fire pit. The fire pit sits in my front yard. We discussed moving it near the garden, but chose to leave it for its proximity to sleeping children. I love waking up in the morning to find a neighbor sitting in my front yard. I love having spaces that are meant for sharing time together. I love the feeling I get when, from inside my home at night, I can see friends gathered around a fire. Im so glad to experience this life.

Art around the house

2010-02-18T06:12:00.000-08:00

Artwork by Ellie, (age 9). Material: top of the box my wedding dress was 'preserved' in. Wedding dress has since been donated to a fabulous young artist friend. Reine tore the dress into pieces, to be made into a sculpture that will be left to decompose in the elements. She attends a local high school for the arts and that was the assignment! A piece of the lace was sewn onto one of her boots and another piece is clothes pinned to a something I made.

Reines mother is an artist and good friend, her grandmother is also an artist. We have been family friends for years. Recently, her grandmother was sick. Home healing from the hospital, I had the opportunity to help out, in exchange for artwork (and love). Above is the piece I received. Love it!

This is one of the valentines I made for the kids. Magazine/book clippings on a paper plate with Modge Podge (I have also used Elmers glue as well).

Life as art.

Pine Straw Tea

2010-02-17T06:14:00.000-08:00

Im reading and list making with Back to Basics which I borrowed from a friend neighbor. Plotting for the spring. Fruit trees and chickens. and fire. Just received Last American Man, by Elizabeth Gilbert, back from a friend. Thats a fun and interesting book if you havent read it. It portrays the life of Eustace Conway. A man that (i cant say it any better so im borrowing it from the back of the book) "For more than thirty years, has been mastering the art of self-sufficient living. Over the decades he has evolved from an idealistic nature lover into a seasoned and weary environmentalist/businessman." Being a bit of an idealist myself (clears throat), I really enjoyed this book.

Dear Cold, you are wearing thin. I accept you and realize you play a vital role but... This winter is oddly cold and some of us are totally unprepared for you. My beautiful house is made of stone and completely uninsulated. And I keep the heat low, or off. I want wood burning stoves but this is a rental.. I want to be outside. I feel a shift coming on, something will give and spring will come.

Sitting, writing and drinking pinestraw tea , the children will be home early from school today (insert smile).My neighbor James and I have been discussing pine straw tea. We gathered the green straw while out walking the woods this weekend. He had read to chop the straw (about a cup) and soak it for ten minutes or more in hot water (two cups). I didnt have much luck with the cutting, there were pine needles flying everywhere. So I folded and soaked the needles in my grandmothers teapot and added Orange Blossom honey from the Farmers Market. The tea is supposed to be a good burst of vitamin c and it sounded yummy to me, which it is. Next Ill try it with wildflower honey. Mmm... Pinestraw tea with wildflower honey. Doesnt that sounds lovely? Drinking the earth.

Stay warm.

Hi

2010-02-08T06:55:00.000-08:00

The past two weeks have been busy (for me). The children's birthday, preparing the Seahorse house for its new tenants. The floor took much longer to dry which threw off the move in dates of two new neighbor/friends. The neighbor to the right of me, moved across from me and had a friend move in with him. The house to the right of me got a new tenant, friend of a friend. So coordinating moving dates, drying floors, post-poning move in dates and 96 cupcakes, I wanted a break. My kids are with their father this weekend so Saturday after a little garden time, a friend and I participated in the new Olympic sport of Team Lounging. We found a sunny spot threw down a blanket and sat around talking and laughing. Throughout the day as the sun moved behind trees we relocated the blanket. After a couple hours we needed blankets, but man.. A day of just laying around outside, doing nothing but enjoying ourselves.. It was perfect. Sundays have become a day of gathering with friends for us. Very informal, sometimes more friends, sometimes just the usual suspects. I have visions of filling this community with like minded-ish friends so that our Sunday bonfires are full with neighbors. It evolves. Last night one of our new neighbors told me that he used to split wood 6-8 hours a day at the meditation center where he lived. Sweet. A professional log splitter. We have been stockpiling the logs, now we may have the splitter. With new people moving in, this place feels so alive. Oh yeah. It is. It also feels very cold.

Anywho. Thats my weekend. Money spent: $0, such a great little vacation.

I read somewhere recently that the average child laughs a couple hundred times a day while the average adult laughs about 7 times a day. I was telling a friend this yesterday as we were laughin and try to walk on rolling logs. I said I thought thought it must mean that i was child like, he said it just meant I was above average. I like the way he thinks. ;0 Im still working on the log rolling.

Last night the kids and I went to Target. Not the usual post eh? But they had gift cards and we wanted some new games to play. We all chipped in (mostly me, but they did nicely contribute) and we got Apples to Apples, Tinker Toys and checkers. Aidan with his own money did opt to buy some Pokemon cards (sigh), while Ellie wants to hit the thrift store with hers. We also stopped at the bank where they each deposited a little more than half their money in their savings accounts. Our plans for this week are playing games in front of the fire till bedtime. Scheduling nothing but us this week and maybe sleepovers this weekend..

Today while they are in school I will play outside in the cold gathering firewood and giving the garden some lovin. C'mon Spring. Really. I think Ive finished a piece of art I was working on. Next up is making a new seat for a fabulous chair i found in the garbage. Its like a throne that just needs a little loving. Ive never used a table saw before.. Ill let you know.

2010-02-05T06:16:00.000-08:00

So last week, as paid work, I got to do an acid stain floor in one of the rentals. I had never done this before so I was kinda nervous but Im really happy with how it turned out. Turquoise acid stain over black tile adhesive that we scoured in areas to give it a marbled appearance. Or ocean, depending how you look.

The garden is growing, somewhat slowly, but growing healthy and green. We are growing a couple different kinds of lettuce, kale and cabbage. Onions, beets, radishes, peas, broccoli and friends.

This is something I have been playing with. Its where we keep our firewood. The bars are re-bar that I found laying around, blue bottles friends have given me and shopping in recycle bins.

I read this on something of a friends the other day, 'Build paradise and eat the fruits thereof'.

Wherever you are, build paradise.

2010-01-30T11:51:00.000-08:00

Friday was my children's birthday. Ten fabulous years old. As I type they are in the dining room juicing oranges on the vintage glass reamer. They picked the oranges at a neighbors and soon I will be the orange juice judge. We had a sleepover last night, its 4pm now and they are still holding tight. One friend each, two girls, two boys. This was our first real simple birthday experience at our house in the woods. Well, simple except for the 96 cupcakes i baked and frosted for their after school environmental club. I mentor in the club so it was nice to be able to be there for their bday celebration at school.

I bought no gifts for them. They have everything they need, there wasn't really anything they wanted. I'm over feeling like i need to buy something just for the sake of buying something. Like the sign I saw outside a church years ago, 'Children need your presence more than your presents'. I did pay a fabulous artist friend $30 to knit a hat for Aidan that he had been wanting. And she found a beautiful scarf for Ellie in the trash, so those were the material gifts. And as Ellie pointed out, last week i found the best, gi-nourmous box in the garbage. They have cut out four pane windows, doors that open and close (and skeleton keys) and mailbox slots. Yesterday I overheard bits of a conversation between my children. They were discussing whether they thought their friends would bring them gifts. Ellie commented that when her friend had asked what she wanted, her response had been that she didn't need anything. Really. They did each get a little something, one of which was a new Uno game that we all sat in bed and played last night. The kids hanging out in my room playing Uno and Connect Four. Then outside for a bonfire and hours of running, playing and the box fort. This morning pancakes, hide and seek, and now oranges. So. $30 for the hat, about $30 for all the cupcake ingredients, and $33 for dinner. Their friends were with us for 24 hours and even with no TV or video games and no party favors, they didn't want to leave. I'm calling it a success.

I loved what an old friend recently said of our house and its eclectic, lived in-ness: "Its nice when everything isn't so perfect. Than you don't have to worry about everything not being so perfect."

**Im trying to write more often and yet my favorite posts are the ones where I feel inspired to write instead of reporting. I need some inspiration! What would YOU like to read more of or hear about? Help!

Our Daily Garbage

2010-01-19T19:21:00.000-08:00

My habit of picking up a piece of trash or three when out walking has rubbed off on my children (much to my delight). Somewhere along the walk home from school it got a name. "Have you found your daily garbage yet?" "I got some daily recycling", "My daily garbage is bigger than yours". Whatever. We're cleaning up and paying attention to our environment. Our garbage pail is on its third week without being brought to the curb, same with our recyclables. I have a neighbor that puts out about 6-8 bags per week. For one person. No recycle bin. The average american throws out almost 2000 pounds of garbage a year. How many people live in this country? (I just checked, something like 304 million.) Thats alot of garbage folks. Surely we can do better..

I borrowed a great book from a friend. I know there are lots of good Simple Living books out there, but this one really inspires me. It is"Living Simply with Children" by Marie Sherlock. I think one of the best thing that i have garnered from the book so far, is remembering to have conversations with my children about Simple Living on a regular basis. We have talked about saving money, about reducing our impact on the environment, but there are so many occasions in our day to teach the whys of Simple Living. I think I teach by example and yet if im not clearly explaining why, how are they going to learn?

Sunday night we went out for pizza with some friends. After dinner my children wanted to go to the local chocolatier for some dessert. Truth be told i coulda gone for some chocolate covered popcorn too. But we had just bought dinner out. I kinda brushed it off for the night with an "I would rather not spend the money'. We went home to snuggle on the couch, watch a movie on the computer (first time!) and make our own popcorn with chocolate chips. But the next day, while gathering firewood, we really talked about it. They know about not shopping for environmental reasons but popcorn? They know we like saving money, putting money in the bank, but popcorn? As my son said at first 'what does popcorn have to do with you being around?" So, I laid it out and offered it like the choice it is, like the book suggests. If we spend lots of money, if we buy all those things, then Mommy would need to get another job. I love being with you and I think you like having me around. What do you think? What do you want? 'I want you here. I want you around. I would rather be with you than spend money'. That was it, it was that simple, that clear for them. That settled, we finished with the kindling, found a board in the shed, laid it across a log and made a see saw. Another beautiful day.

Simple Living

2010-01-14T05:51:00.000-08:00

This post is inspired in part by another blog that did quite a job of dogging me and my choices. Thank you.

What does Voluntary Simplicity mean to me? Apparently it means sitting here with my jacket on instead of cranking up the heat. Cutting my own firewood instead of stopping for that $10 stack. It means doing the best i can with what I have. Being thankful for what i have and no longer buying into the consumer society myth; that i will be happy in the future when i have some of this, more of that, look like a super model, drive a Mercedes and have three million in the bank. This day is all we have, tomorrow is uncertain. And this day I am thankful that i was here to get my children off to school. That I have been blessed with work that today will entail walking to to the post office, maybe with a friend. I will water the garden, our food to be, surrounded by trees and truly hear the birds.

Voluntary Simplicity does not mean being broke. It means having respect for money. Having respect for yourself and the earth. All things come at a cost. The cost is not just the price tag. The true cost is time spent working to pay for an item, obtain an item, care for an item, be responsible for an item, worry about an item, get rid of an item. The cost is the resources that we are taking from the earth to create the stuff, package the stuff, transport the stuff and dispose of the stuff. When I walk into a store I see landfills and clutter, toxic chemicals. I see people working low wage jobs to slave away making junk, striving for a better life. I see the true cost, from start to 'finish', like a misty haze covering everything in the store. I am no fun to go shopping with.

Simple Living is conscious choices. Choosing how to spend your time and money. And sometimes the choices are hard. Like last week when I said no to my children for what would have been almost $40 for books that are being printed up and 'published' at school. They get a 'free' copy and additional copies were being pushed like candy. I disagree with this on so many levels and yet I don't want to be a drag to my children. I struggled with it in bed at night and in the morning knew i had to be true to what I believe. That these books and certainly additional copies of them fell completely into the want and not need category.The misty haze of depleted resources and pollution as well as the knowledge that $40 here and there and there and then I need to start worrying about money cause I've spent it all. Our house is in part decorated with fabulous art my children have made for free with items we have laying around. Now I have to buy my children's art from their school? No, I don't. I have a choice.

Simple Living is about cutting out the excess, the clutter, the background noise so that you can figure out and focus on, what is really important to you. And yes you can live simply while having a 'regular' job. I have friends that do it. Its what you choose to do with the time you truly own. What you bring into your house and life. The mindful way you strive to go about your days. The peace you find in simple things. The appreciation you learn for the everyday, for the magic moments that are always happening when you learn to pay attention.

One of the many criticisms on the money blogs reader comments, was that my life was being "bankrolled" by my ex husband. Huh. With almost 50% of marriages ending in divorce there are many divorced women (and men) out there receiving financial support.. I worked as a social director in a retirement community when we married. And for most of our marriage i had a small antique business going on the side. When we decided to have children, we decided I would stay home. And at that time we did discuss the what ifs of divorce because I was giving up my career. We both wanted me to be home with the children and so it was a given that financial support would be there should we divorce. And so it is, though I would hardly term it bankrolled. If we lived a more extravagant life I would certainly need to go out and get a more regular job. And when we first separated I worked six days a week caring for a dying friend, fortunate that my children could be there. And I put that money away like the house was on fire. I had no set support from my ex for a year and a half. He gave me $600 a month that he could have and threatened to, jerk away at any moment. I ate my children's left overs, quietly and gratefully in the kitchen after dinner. Our total income that year was $30,000. I put $15,000 in the bank. And most importantly my children had their mother and I was no longer in a sucktacular marriage that was hurting all of us. I was regaining my health and the desire to live. We had a beautiful year. We didn't feel deprived. I soul searched and cried in the shower. We played outside and made new friends. And I began figuring out who I was and who i wanted to be. Like i read on a magnet the other day, 'Life is not about finding yourself, its about creating yourself'. So now I get set financial support. Is that wrong? No. Because we live simply, because of the choices i make its enough. As property manager we no longer pay rent. As resident handy-lady I get paid. Im working on a starting a small home business with a friend. One night at dinner not long ago my daughter looked at me with tears in her eyes and said "Mom, I love the way you always have time for me. You're always there for me." Dude. I could buy a house, clothes or stuff but somethings are more valuable to me and its funny how they aren't things. We do put money away every month. We do have an emergency fund. I bought my health insurance for $1500 this year. My children are on their fathers insurance, just like they always were. My goals are not financially driven although i am financially smart. If I lived my life in pursuit of money one day i would wake up quite distraught because the life i want to live is about love and happiness, learning and laughter, family, friends and community. I am a nature freak, I want to be outside. I think about my grandmother. She never had a million dollars in her bank account. But as she is dying (in the home where she lived with her youngest daughter and family) she is surrounded by the family, and friendships she nurtured. She is cradled by love, not a bed of money.

As for the future and the blog writers observation that my ex's financial support will not last forever, very true. But neither will my children's childhood. So right here, right now I want to be available for my children. It was the plan from the beginning. I'm smart, savvy, and hardworking. I'm learning skills now that will help me down the road. I'm putting money away now that will cushion me later. I'm learning to live happily on less now. Just imagine what i can do later. I'm just getting started.

May we all find peace and love in our choices.

Me too

2010-01-13T07:20:00.000-08:00

Garden

This is one of the rentals. The doors were found in a shed, the wood is scraps from the gargbage and around the property. Stan and Sam found two cans of stain that were half full, combined them and voila. We spent no monies on this cabinet.

This is the home that I lived in 17 years ago. Back then there were no seahorses carved into these doors. I love that someone who lived here added their art. It is an honor to add mine.

"I wish we could do this whole day again."

Happy Day

2009-12-25T00:31:00.000-08:00

Happy Holidays Y'all! I sit and write from my mothers house. I bought a computer (!!!) but have not yet decided on the internets. May the new year bring more blog posts.. I am doing well and think of 'you' often, and hope that you are all well.

And I continue on my path which continues to bless us everyday, in so many ways. The property manager gig has been keeping me quite busy. I have been doing repairs on the other cabins as well. We had to replace the floor in one of the houses. Rather than spending the $2000 that was spent on the previous kitchen floor replacement (under previous management), I did it with help from friends. We used all found, donated and salvaged tile that we of course promptly broke and mosaic ed. Its beautiful and totally in keeping with the art of the cottages. All told, for sub-flooring, grout and mortar I believe we spent about $120.

We have also put in a beautiful vegetable garden and are learning to grow our own food. I spent $250 to have a dump truck of compost and dirt delivered. Though I continue to compost i didnt have the quantity available that we needed to get this garden going. My pal Eli from Urban Eco Farms hooked us up with many of our plants and worked alongside us in the rain whilst sharing his knowledge. We have broccoli, cabbage, lettuce, kale, parsley, spinach, onions, beets and more plus, herbs going. It is a big, beautiful round garden which i hope to post pictures of soon. Eli also hooked us up with his girlfriend Valerie who has been living, working and playing with us for a few weeks. She was my giggling, cohort extraordinaire on the mosaic floor. January 1 she will move to their soon to be urban perma-culture homestead two blocks from us. Such awesome people out there. People that inspire and teach, to do more, grow more, learn more. Thank you. Also around the new year our work traders will be leaving us for still warmer weather. Sam, Stan and their son Johny have been living in one of the more "rustic" houses in exchange for working on the property. They have cleaned, scraped, garden, torn up, raked, painted, built, cooked, cleaned and just been generally awesome. They will be missed. Their latest project was building a kitchen cabinet for the newly mosaic ed kitchen. They used all salvaged wood (we are total garbage pickers around here) and cabinet doors we found in the shed here. Two old cans of stain left by a previous tenant were mixed together and a lovely new cabinet was built for $0.00. Yay! Rock on Stams.

We are learning as we go. Lessening our impact and doing our best. Having a good time and doing good deeds as we go along.

I continue to volunteer at my children's school, in the classroom and for the environmental club. The children continue to adjust to public school. They are doing well. Good kids with good grades and now they have friends in the neighborhood. So once again we have children running through the house. Bonfires and pizza parties. So much to be thankful for.

So, its Christmas. Our big present was snow. Not in Florida but an impromptu trip to North Carolina. The kids had never seen snow and when I heard they were getting it in Charlotte I called a friend on Friday, we hopped in the car on Saturday morning and at 6pm my kids were seeing snow for the very first time. Snow with Children is greater than any snow I experienced as a child. Sunday, both families piled in one care and we journeyed to Blowing Rock, NC. 15" on the ground, snow falling, giant icicles and the best snowball fight ever. Just outside a gas station because on the way back to Charlotte (after snow play and lunch) the untouched fields of snow proved to be too much for my son. Face pressed to the glass, mom, Mom, MOM! Crawling the walls of the car, nine years old, that boy needed more snow. So ensued the great gas station snowball fight of 2009. I laughed so hard I cried and that night when I tucked them into bed, he told me "I wish we could do this whole day again"..

Oh so yeah, Christmas. On the way to NC I told the kids "so this is pretty much it you guys, our present is time together in the snow'. To which they responded "Awesome! That's great mom"! And it is great! Its great that at not quite ten they can see it. We can appreciate what we have. We have everything we need. Food, beverage, home, clothes to wear, books to read, games to play, friends to love, each other. We've got it. And yes there are some presents under the rotating, vintage aluminum Christmas tree. A few presents from the thrift store wrapped in old maps and as requested, some wrapped in comics as well. Were cool. We are rich in love and life. We are blessed and hope that you are too. This day and always. XOXO

October

2009-10-12T16:03:00.001-07:00

I love words. I love reading words well written. I like writing words. Honest words. Words spoken in conversation with friends. Words that convey learning. Words spoken with intention. I wont get into ill spoken words though they certainly fly around too. What a gift when well chosen and true.

The Herb Conference in Black Mountain, NC was big. Interesting, fun, tiring, education filled, beauty-full. I learned a great deal, danced, walked, camped on a mountain side. Ate delicious local, organic meals lovingly prepared by someone else... Mmm... Then I visited friends in Asheville. Dude. I stayed in a Holiday Inn for $85 (after checking in at many other more conveniently located, fancier digs... Someone at one of the desks pointed me in this direction). Oh. The luxury! Clean sheets. Big beds. Hot baths in a nice tub. Hell, I even used a hair dryer for the first time in two years because well, it was there. Then on to Charlotte, NC to see friends because This Life is Blessed and Im going to Celebrate (Ok. I totally borrowed that from the singer Brett Dennen.) Stopping home, along the way home, to visit with friends, walk, tea and swim in a lake.

Now i am home again for a few weeks. I am actively working as the property manager. Working. Physical labor and some left brain activity as well. Phew. Thank god, I swear Ive been lilting to the right.. And this week I began volunteering at my childrens school.

I have someone coming to look at buying stuff tomorrow. And an antique fair to set up at in a few weeks.

My grandmother, Emma, is nearing the end of her life. Emma, Martini was her maiden name. When i divorced I took her name. 86 years old. She has volunteered at the hospital 26 years; up until two months ago. Walking there and back, a mile each way, two and three days a week. Now shes home, tired. Pancreatic Cancer and today she says 'I keep moving, you just gotta keep moving'. Shes tired. She knows. And shes thankful for a life well lived. And she cant believe the care and compassion she is receiving from the hospital and doctors she has lovingly worked for, for years. Well. Yeah. OK, Grandma. You're amazing. And i love you. I need to head there soon. November.

Hope this finds you well. Many blessings.

K

Monday.

2009-09-28T07:39:00.000-07:00

Cob Grout - clay, sand, water.

We had such a nice weekend. Saturday, shopping for school project supplies. Popsicle sticks, cotton balls, random art supplies. It was nice to be together. Me and the kids. At 4 we met at a friends house for a little "pre-game" party before heading down to the beach for Earth Dance. Lots of beautiful people, drumming, dancing, hula hooping. Pygmy Marmosets (dressed in cute little dresses and matching panties. They are supposed to be her Service Animals. But she sells exotics... I need to research this. Regardless. Pygmy Marmosets = cute). Friends, children, teenagers, babies. Young, Old. Beautiful. Sandy, tired children on the way home. Talk of feeling like marshmallows.

Yesterday morning, pancakes. Plain and dark chocolate chip. Chocolate chip perfection in a cast iron pan. We spent the day building mobile displays for a book they have read in school The better portion of the day was gluing cotton balls (a blizzard) and making popsicle stick sleds. Then out to a movie. Upon returning home the three of us walked to a park. Well, my son rode his bike. Elle walked and I hula hooped. Returning home in the dark. Peaceful, tired. Pasta with Parmesan and Bed.

I am preparing to leave for a few days of travel. Friday I will be heading to Black Mountain North Carolina for the Southeast Women's Herbal Conference. I had wanted to go last year and this year I just am. Off on an adventure, myself. I am starting to see a pattern here.. ;) I hope to meet up with some friends along the way. I'm sure I will. They might be new friends, maybe some old friends. Friends. And women. Lots of strong women. On a mountain with a 20 acre lake. yeah.

Sticky Situations

2009-09-20T05:50:00.000-07:00

These past few days I have been thinking about how we get stuck. Stuck in a job, stuck in a friendship, stuck in a relationship. Stuck of our own doing. Stuck because were afraid, don't know what else to do, don't know another way. As I continue to unstick myself, I see how it opens us up for growth, for movement, for joy. And i think about all the different ways we can hold ourselves back. Staying in a job you hate for years, or a lifetime because you need the money.You need the security. Or because really, you're terrified of change. Or maybe because you need the health insurance. (I bought health insurance this year. $1200. And now I am free to move about the cabin.) Staying in a marriage that is sucking the life out of you because its what you should do. Because you're afraid. Because you aren't sure you can make it on your own. And then one day, maybe, you choose to jump. And you learn that your really are strong, that you really can survive. That maybe the life you grew up thinking you're supposed to live is not the life that suits you best. That the choices you made at 18 or 25 or 30 are not the best decisions for you at 35 or 40 or 50.

When I read about the economy, people struggling to make it, people losing their houses, my heart goes out to them. I feel so fortunate to have what I have. I try to be thankful every day. But also, i feel so fortunate for the choices I have made. So many of us are living so close to the edge. Big mortgage, big car payment, big shopping. I remember reading years ago that most bankruptcies are only one paycheck away from being able to make ends meet. And i have often thought of what a friend said years ago 'the more you make, the more you spend'. And i think, what if more of us were living below our means. Building some sort of financial security instead of accumulating debt. Such a foreign concept to so many. Spending significantly less than what you make. Learning to be happy with what you have. Figuring out the differences between wants and needs. And hell, I have been there. Ive wondered how we were going to make ends meet. Ive laid in bed and worried about finances and debt. And then I think about Vicki Robin saying she 'doesn't worry about the economic boogieman'. What a freedom. What freedom to be able to stay home with your children if you choose. What freedom to be able to take time off from work. What freedom to be able to travel and work on yourself and your growth. To be able to take the time to figure out what it is you really want at the current stage of your life and what you think you would like your future to look like. What freedom to realize you don't have to buy the latest clothes, or technology or home furnishings. And then one of my favorites, when you do make conscious choices to spend money, feeling good about where and how you spend your money. Paying a friend for a massage. Taking care of my health and doing a little bit to support an awesome adventure. Buying an $8 print at a festival because the painting stops you in your tracks and the artist seems like a really cool woman. Paying your sweet neighbor, whose a single mom, to watch your dogs while you are off on a series of adventures. It costs less than boarding them and I feel good about giving money to her. Not spending money at the big box stores so that you can spend a little more on the things that matter to you. For me its organic, or massage, or travel. Building our savings so that when i figure out what it is i really want to do, I can do it. Do I want to buy this house one day? Maybe. Or maybe i will continue to rent until the children are grown and I can move somewhere new, somewhere exotic to me, and buy land. Or buy a veggie diesel school bus and travel out west. Live on a tropical island in a house with three walls. My children joining me on adventures and going on about their own lives. Its great to be able to dream and at the same time know that you can achieve your dreams. You really can. Dreams are subject to change but they are something to work towards. The things i can do because i opt out of $3 coffees, frequent eating out and 'shopping'.

I heard from someone last week who is beginning the journey of simplifying. He remarked how its much harder than he thought. And yeah, sometimes it really is. Sometimes its really hard to sit and examine every little thing when you are so used to just going on auto pilot. Sometimes when you wake up its really hard to sit and examine the mistakes you have made. Sometimes its really hard to change all the patterns you've come to repeat so well. I think about my ex who said not long ago 'well yeah but when we were married you shopped, you spent money, you did this too'. And i did. I hereby stand up and admit to having had 200 pairs of really cute, vintage salt and pepper shakers. True fact. But just because you've continued to do the same thing for years doesn't mean its a good idea. Just because you've screwed up doesn't mean you have to continue on that path. Stop. Take stock. Learn your lesson and move forward. See what you have done and what you can do and make changes. And try not to beat yourself up too badly in the meantime. If something is not working for you, your family, your life, is it really a good idea to keep doing it?

I continue to be amazed how the universe provides for us. As one friendship closes, lessons are learned and new space opens up. New teachers move in as we move on. People for each stage of the journey come in as we continue to evolve. And sometimes the uncomfortable feeling of loneliness, accompanied by the knowledge that nothing lasts forever. That we can pass through the pain and see the sun again.

I have a shit ton of stuff I am getting ready to sell. I have heard that i should sell it all individually on ebay. That I would make more money that way. Its what I thought I was going to do even though i have been dreading it all along. I am an experienced ebay seller. I know what I should do. And I dont want to. I dont want to spend that much time, that much energy on stuff. I dont want to create that much waste on packing and shipping. I want to sell the stuff and be done with it. Im battling this. What I should do and what I want to do. I want to get rid of the stuff and make room for the work i want to do. I want to get the clutter out of the storage closet. I swear its cluttering my mind, even with the door closed. And as a friend pointed out the other night, Im tired. Its not like I just started out selling this stuff and downsizing. Ive been doing it for almost two years now. When i first started out I had the energy for ebay and I really, really needed the money. Now Im over it. Ive sold stuff every which way. Ebay, garage sales, estate sales, flea markets. Two years of stuff. Sure Id like more money but maybe it comes down to enough. I can get enough money for it. I can have enough. And enough with the stuff already. Damn.

Ill keep you posted.

2009-09-17T07:05:00.000-07:00

I sit in my living room and type this on my computer, Nick Drake Radio on Pandora. My friend Mark rigged me up with my old pc (thanks Mark, you rock!). Its big and its slow but it was free and it works. And as long as Im using it its not in a landfill. Writing in my journal feels much more natural, but I am trying this.. The children are at school and I am putting off work. I am now the property manager of Anna's cabins. And as such have given my self a trial run as the resident handy lady. Its been fun being all bad ass walking around with a drill, installing smoke detectors in the nine houses. But i had a realization yesterday. Its time to look for work as an end of life companion again. Its calling me, the desire to be of service. Help me, help someone else. I sure had a good run of not working though.

I have been transitioning, coming out of spending a good bit of time hanging out in the forest with some friends, building a cob kitchen. It blows my mind what spending time in nature can do for the soul, at least I speak for mine. Sunday I took the kids to the arboretum. Its free and its beautiful. They loved it, got the differences in scenery, the change in earth to rock under our feet. Flowing water, dark with tannins. Ravines. Hills to run down. A little Oasis in a big city. Later we went to Family Fun Day (translation: Free) at MOCA. And then out to dinner. At dinner Aidan wanted a basket of chips which unbeknown-st to us is only brought free after 4. It was 3:50. We already had our food and he usually only eats about 4 chips. I did not feel this warranted the $2.50 and I said so. But Mom, its only $2.50. So we talked about that. About how 10 only $2.50s adds up to $25. How spending money is spending your time, or as Vicki Robins would say, 'life energy'. Poor kid only wanted a basket of chips. We waited till 4:00 and then i kindly asked for a basket of chips, which she kindly brought and Aidan ate 3.

And speaking of Vicki Robin, she is the co-author of "Your money or your life" and someone I admire. You can listen to an interview with her here, on The Kathleen Show. I thought it was a great interview and definitely worth a listen.

http://bit.ly/WoBJ9

Sinking ships and heads on fire

2009-08-31T06:18:00.000-07:00

How did you decide or figure out that making the change you needed and wanted included leaving your old life and making a new simpler one?

The leaving the old life was a long and painful process. Time and tears, heartache and hope. The leading a simpler life came natural once i examined what i really needed and wanted. I thought that i didnt want a big career at this point in my life. I knew that i needed time to recover. I knew with all my heart that i needed to be emotionally and physically available for my children, that was my biggest thing. And i knew I wanted to enjoy this life I had been given. So, I did the math. I could live the life I wanted or I could spend alot of money.. We figure it out as we go along. I had not heard of the term voluntary simplicity until the Oprah article came out. I was just learning to accept myself as someone who wanted a more gentle lifestyle.

There was a definite lack of planning on my part. But like when the ship is sinking or your head is on fire, you cant really know what you will do. You dont really know what it will be like until you get there. I did what I could, what fortunately came pretty natural to me. The little house was waiting and everything else followed.

Greetings from heaven

2009-08-30T06:32:00.000-07:00

Im sittin at Annas using the computer. The cicadas are singing, and out the window everything is green. we have had so much rain, everything is lush. I feel like I live in a tropical rain forest, and I like it! I have a little herb garden which i enjoy and I have been making delicious herb omlettes for breakfast each morning. I discovered local, free range eggs at Grassroots, our sweet, local health food shop in the hip part of town. I have a dream of having chickens but until then, thanks guys!

So, were havin fun. The kids started school last week. From their sweet little private Montessori school we are transitioning to a public school. So far, so good. Its bigger. There was a fist fight on friday. Its different. But they are making friends. Aidan has been spouting science non stop. Ellie is adjusting and seems happy. They are great kids. Its been raining and storming but Friday afternoon we finally got to walk all the way home from school. Though there had been much complaining from Aidan about this anticipated hike, when we got home his response was "well, that was awesome". We walked, we talked, we looked at mushrooms. (And litter, but well bring a bag for that..)

Im taking some time to work with friends and building a cob kitchen. Im learning so much, getting my exercise, hanging outside. I went for a long bike ride last night. Its still hot but the weather is changing. Its beautiful.

I am still without a computer so the posts are few and far between but Im working on that. And really once I get a computer I will start selling stuff on ebay so... for now im just enjoying myself, my children and this time, as best I can.

Retrospect

2009-08-03T10:12:00.000-07:00

The Oprah episode that we were on aired again last week. The website had a link to the article, a new mini blurb and photo. Its funny how it brought some new attention, brought it up again. Mostly for me, it was a great time of reflection. Reading my words again. "I wanted to make a change, but i didnt know how you could go from this grand life in this big house and all this stuff to something simpler'.

Seems I figured it out. I realize 'dropping out' isnt for everyone but it sure has worked well for me. And in most respects for my children also. I found mention of my story on a really beautiful blog, Authenticmama. One of the writers friends, after reading the story in O magazine, commented 'yeah but we dont have the money to run off to the middle of nowhere'. And i wonder how many people came away thinking that. Understandable, really. Big house, former husband who was sucessful in business. But with that big house came a big mortgage. With that unhappiness came shopping and bills. So. When i left I had $2400 in my account (all from selling 'stuff''), and was only in the midst of lining up a job. But i was gasping for air and needed to save myself.

In this life I have more money in the bank than i ever did when married. Why? Because Im not spending it. This week for fun we went to two artwalks, a spring, and a neighbors pool. We even went out to dinner. All very inexpensive. Yesterday on my bike ride home from the bank (yes, depositing money) i came across a church sale where i spent $10. Homemade bread from a little old lady, and beautiful back to school clothes for my kids. A sweater from Limited too, never worn, fifty cents. Really nice, good quality clothes, fifty cents a piece. This is how I get to stay home with my children. This is how I have the time to mosaic, walk in the woods and hang out with friends. This is how I sleep at night knowing that I really am doing my part to reduce my impact on the environment. These are the choices I make.

My mom likes to shop. My mom loves to fix up her house. My mom works six days a week. But she likes her job and she likes spending money. She is aware of the trade off. Its a choice she makes.

I think thats what i most want people to realize. You have choices. If you want to reclaim your life, if you're not happy working five and six days a week, there is another way. If you feel guilty because our air is polluted, our landfills are full and our glaciers are melting.. If you cant sleep at night because of credit card bills.. Do something. Get off the consumer spending treadmill. Cook dinner at home with friends. Live the life you love so you dont have to spend a fortune to get away from it. Read a book. Go for a walk. Im telling you, it gets easier. It gets richer. I love this life. Im happier, I laugh more, I enjoy my family and friends. I sleep at night. Im learning so many new things. (I learned how to make cob (clay, sand, water) and im using it to grout my new mosaic). Im making new friends. I dont 'go shopping', I dont dye my hair. I dont follow the 'rules' put in place by marketing executives. I walk or bike whenever i can and I love it.

Last week somebodies response to my volunteer work was 'but you cant live on that, you need a job'. Dude. What I cant live on is living my life focused strictly on my own personal gain. When my children go back to school, Ill work again, put more money away. Fit working in around our life; instead of trying to cram living in, around my work.

In the interest of full disclosure and for those who are curious. As of July 1, I am getting set support from my ex husband. Its good. I can breathe easier. We will still live a very rich life on $1200-$1400 a month and put anything above that in the bank.

'Only a rat can win a rat race' -Michael Franti

By the way, I watched Affluenza with some friends the other night. If you havent seen it you can download it online. It just may inspire you, motivate you or re-enforce your decisions to simplify.

2009-07-20T09:37:00.000-07:00

See that little bottle in the upper right? I found that washed up on Little Talbot Island, one of my favorite beaches, I always find something cool when I walk it.

Shutters for our new house. I find such pleasure in breaking apart things I used to treasure and making them into art.

Our new, more spacious abode. The garden potential is tremendous. However, so are the mosquitos. The garden waits..

Thoughts on passing

2009-07-18T08:33:00.000-07:00

It is a lazy, rainy Saturday morning. The kids and i are at Annas using the computer and watching cartoons. Electronics!

Later today we will go and celebrate the life of a beautiful woman. My last hospice patient. I had the honor of sitting with her and her daughter just once before she passed. And yet a beautiful connection was made.

Living and letting go. Its sort of a theme for this weekend. A theme that runs through all of our lives, sometimes more gracefully than others. Being open to the beauty of a strong connection with a friend or a lover, or a kindred spirt. Passing through or passing on, ultimately we do not get to hold on. Beautiful things, beautiful people, this too shall pass.

To not stand there with a sign that says 'hurt me' but to be open to the possibility of hurting so that you may truly live.

I found this today:

The opposite of love is not hate,
its indifference.

The opposite of art is not ugliness,
its indifference.

The opposite of faith is not heresy,
its indifference.

And the opposite of life is not death,
its indifference.

-Eli Wiesel

May we all go forth and avoid indifference.

And i promise to try and lighten up..
xo

June

2009-07-01T17:30:00.000-07:00

Saturday morning I finished moving out of the big ole house. A friend and i, one last wave, and it was done. Ironically as i was digging in my old garden for the last time, my ex was getting married in someone elses garden. I broke for lunch and started moving, again. The kids and i are moving into the cottage next door. Saturday, I would not quit until i had my bedroom set. MY bedroom. I laid in bed, closed the door and gazed at it. For the past year and a half i shared a bedroom with my 9 year old twins. A bedroom with no doors. It was what we needed at the time, a place to land. A cozy cottage that held us close and a price we could afford. We have grown and the space has opened up. In our old life we had what a neighbor called 'the kool aid house'. Kids running in one door and out the other. I miss that. I miss the space to create that for my children. And so now a bigger, even more beautiful cottage has opened. One with two bedrooms. And a bathtub. 1400 square feet, still less than half of what we used to live in. It feels big., but right. So slowly, we are once again carrying the material part of our lives, from one house to the next. Funny how the things i thought i wanted, the stuff i thought ' oh, ill keep this' is now waiting in a closet to be sold. Often, I find myself tempted by the idea of a bon fire. Throw it in a pile, burn it and make it go away. I dont want it. It clutters my space and my mind. I have to take care of it and i dont want to. So bit by bit it is going away. Some is sold and some is given. The money comes in handy, particularly when one is enjoying the summer with her children, setting up a new nest and not gainfully employed. My rent is going up too. $650. And i have paid my self health insurance for the year, $1100. Every bit helps, im intent on avoiding the 9-5. Space is created. I got a call today from my volunteer work for hospice. A new patient in my area. Im ready. Moving forward. Doing the right thing. This afternoon, in our new/old house, at our new/old dining room table (passed on from a friend) my daughter looked at me and said "it feels like we've lived here a really long time". I think its because we're home again.

2009-06-01T05:50:00.000-07:00

This whole blogging thing can be tricky when one doesn't have a computer...

In one hour I will be meeting my former husband at the bank to sign over the old house. For $20,000 he gets the big house and a big mortgage and my children get one less big change. I get released. I will pay off my car and put the rest in the bank. I have 30 days to clear out the house. Estate Sale anyone?

So. California was purely hedonistic. Ten days with no responsibility, doing what I love. Family and friends, Dancing and music. Flowers, mountains, oceans, desert. Hiking and camping. . The ride up the Pacific Coast Highway was peace. Just me, free. Mountains, desert, wildflowers on one side, ocean on the other. Winding, stopping, winding, stopping. Beauty, surrounded.

Camping in Central California at Big Basin with my brother and his daughters. The little brother i hadn't seen in eight years, his daughters i had never met. The first night of camping I put the windows down on the car, turned up the music and had a dance party with my nieces. A mini rave if you will. Later that night i discovered i really need a travel air mattress. While dumping the contents of your suitcase on the floor of your tent helps, I'm too old to be sleeping on the ground. But it was a blast. Those girls are in my heart and now I am home. Rested, recharged and back to reality. Love.

2009-05-15T19:56:00.000-07:00

Lake Cachuma on my trip up the coast. This 7 mile lake is the watershed for santa barbara

Today I hiked Point Lobos (near Monterey) with my brother.

In Malibu

Starfish and sea anemones, oh my.

Runyon Canyon, LA

Im having a great time but short on words. I feel accomplished.

2009-05-11T09:39:00.000-07:00

Tomatos, lettuce, kale

I found this door in the trash. Paint. Mosaic. Art.

Our hula hoop party was a blast.

Mosaic Im working on out our bedroom window.

Now Im off to California.

Love

Free and Happy

2009-04-30T14:15:00.000-07:00

Last night was open house at my children's school. It is something I have always treated as a special occasion, and so it is. I got dressed up (platform sandals and all. Im way outta practice) and the children and I met their father at school. Its funny and awkard finding your footing after a divorce. But were doing it, and i seem to be leading the way. Hes not quite sure what to make of all this. Im better able to wing it and guide us with love. So, the ex and I sat next to each other for a while. i made funnies about the situation and we laughed. The kids were proud of their work and though my ex initially wanted us to go at two seperate times, it all worked out well and the children were happy. Afterwards the kids and I treated ourselves to a $20 dinner out and bumped into some friends. They joined us at a park where we played until dark. Arriving home, an impromptu dance party ensued. Staying up too late on a school night, dancing. Windows open, music blaring, me and the kids rocking out till ten o'clock because we can. Because I am free. We are free.

In other news, today i splurged on a California travel guide. Looking at it I alternate between almost weeping with joy and yelling Woo Hoo! My trip is coming up soon, May 11, the day after our Hula Hoop workshop. I am flying into LA to see an old friend. LA will be a dancing, music, and food . Then another friend (Annas daughter) will pick me up and its off to Watts Towers. I will stay with Randee and family in Malibu for a few days at which time they will lend me a Prius and point me in the direction of the coast. Then its ME, driving up the coast of California to Santa Cruz. Im already working on my music selection for the drive. Ill take a few days to get there, finding a place to stay along the way. And when i get to Santa Cruz, I will be with my brother that i haven't seen in eight years. Meet his daughters that I have never met. Together we will all go camping around Big Sur. Really. Does it get any better than this?

And when I return home I will have a giant estate sale. Sell it all and take the summer off. Road trip it with the kids. Last week I sold $700 worth of stuff ($450 in vintage jewelry alone). Thats a road trip to somewhere, for sure..

Maybe

2009-04-27T14:35:00.000-07:00

I wrote this post over a month ago. Sometimes when I write its so raw it takes some time for me to work up the courage to share.

My house of olde is still for sale. No big surprise there, I know. Like so many of us, that area of our life is on hold. Closure waits. My ex lives in the house while we wait for a formal ending to that aspect of our relationship. Mostly, it works out. We tell ourselves it has helped ease the children into the transition, and likely it has. Personally, I find it painful to go there. So many memories. So many misguided dreams. Walking in that door, walking through the house. What once held so much hope, now holds what remains to be sold.

It is still my children's part time home and for that I am thankful. For me it is the skin and bones of misdirected dreams. The shell and the spine of that which could not be. Big, giant, undeniable proof that the pursuit of more does not result in happily ever after.

I went there tonight to see my children. To hold them, kiss them, love on them. I rode up on my bike. Me and my bicycle, like ants in the driveway. The house is so big and standing out front I am so small, it is almost comical. What were we thinking? Four people. 3600 square feet. Damn. We each had our own 900 square feet. We could have each just had our own house. You could fit four and a half of the cottages my children and I live in now. Happily. Maybe that's it. Maybe since my ex and I didn't want to be together, shouldn't be together, maybe we were trying to put as much space between us as possible. Maybe that's part of what we are doing in America with our giant houses, avoiding living together.

Bought as a fixer upper it kept my ex and I apart for years as he worked on it. I don't say that as an explanation for the downfall of our marriage. Rather, it was what helped keep us together. All the years he worked on the house was time we didn't have to spend together. Time we didn't have to face the fact that we were two really nice people that shared a home, had wonderful children but didn't even like each other. Simultaneously his work on the house gave us something to talk about and an excuse for why we couldn't talk. And it was something he could do for us, a way to show he cared. I get that. And when all the building was done, I got to decorate. Something for me to do. Shop for stuff, make it pretty. And maybe if i made it perfect enough, we would be perfect enough. Maybe if i filled it with beautiful things, I would be filled with beauty. Or maybe at the very least, could it just make everything ok? Distract me from the fact that I'm unhappy, hes unhappy and just about the only thing we can agree on is the weather. Throw money at it and make it go away.

But we know how that worked out. With me on my bike and a for sale sign in the yard. Here's what Ive learned. Take it from me. If you're not happy, buying a bigger house will not help. Neither will a bigger, nicer car. Flea markets don't work and neither will the mall. Its not that I'm sitting here in my new life all happy, all the time. But I'm facing life head on. I'm living my own life. And in this life I refuse to be a slave to my stuff. In this life I refuse to be held captive by a big mortgage, credit card bills and stuff. I spent too many years doing the mundane. In this life I want to experience all that life dangles before us. I want to travel. I want to love myself and the life i live. I want to find the courage to do things that scare me. Meet new people, in new places. I'm planning a trip to California by myself. Ive never been. I'm hosting a hula hoop work shop at my house (the instructor and her boyfriend, that I met once, are staying with us). I want to look back one day and say wow, what a life rather than hmm, i sure played it safe. I'm getting there. I think its safe to say, I'm on my way.

Lets make a deal

2009-04-24T06:32:00.000-07:00

I'm getting ready to walk away again. More like jumping off a cliff. My ex and I have worked out a deal that lets him assume the house from me for a small amount of money. The house that at one point appraised at over $600,000... This was the point at which I tried to convince him we should sell it, travel, live more and work less. He wanted more house, I wanted more life. This was years ago. When I look back I realize, just how long the life I wanted to live was brewing under the surface of the life I was living. Someone else's life.

My attorney/friend of course says fight for more. Yesterday one of my oldest friends was aghast. Fight for more! But i don't want to fight anymore. I want to get free. I don't want the house and as much as i continue to lower the price, it isn't selling. The way our divorce agreement works, I don't get set financial support until the house sells (trust me, it looked good before the market crashed).

My closest friends are in agreement with me. Sell it. Get out. Get free. They have seen me suffer. That house, our arrangement, has been a noose around my neck. A noose that he can jerk and pull at whim.

So, he can have it. He can have the big house and I can have my freedom. He will be remarried soon. Let us spare the children one huge life change, as they have had enough for now. Divorce, remarriage. At least they get to keep their old bedrooms. At least for now they can stay with something familiar.

And I can move on. I can sever that big giant tie to my old life. I will be selling everything of mine (furniture, clothes, stuff) with few exceptions. More money in the bank. More freedom. Closure.

When I make my lists of what is important to me, money isn't on there. Yesterday when I wrote out the ten things I was most thankful for, money wasn't on that list either. My children, friends, resolution, freedom, independence,Yes. Heck, birds singing even made the list. Money did not. I have enough. When I look at what I have accomplished over the past year I know that I will be fine. Better than fine. I will be smart. I will live simply. I will be free.

Photo journal

2009-04-15T05:11:00.000-07:00

Last week I had what i do believe to be my best birthday yet. Not only did I get myself a couch but I had friends camping in my yard for the weekend. My beautiful friend Nancy and her awesome family. Nancy and i met in elementary school, were good friends for years and then lost touch and had not seen each other since we were 21. Another good facebook reunion story. .

My children serving stone cakes with dirt topping along with milkweed tea and a stick straw.

The requisite pitchfork shot whilst collecting horse poop for the garden.

2009-04-15T04:50:00.000-07:00

I got a new couch! A new, old couch. An old lady couch. I had been eyeing it at the thrift store for a few weeks. Last week the kids and I stopped in looking for books and found the couch still there and half off. Between that and the funky 20 year old that gave the couch the thumbs up, I got off the fence and bought it for $45! With plans to pick it up, last Monday, my birthday.

I pondered over the weekend. Who do i know with a truck? Who can help me during the week? Am I going to have to pay someone to help me? $20 would really jack up the price and put a damper on the couch acquisition.

I showed up Monday with no real plan in mind. Found someone to help me tie it on the roof of my car and drove off down the road. In the drizzling rain, a couch on my roof, this feeling came over me and i cried out loud "I can do anything"! A neighbor outside gardening helped me get it in the door and now were set. A comfortable place to stretch out and snuggle and read. A place for friends to crash. Aidan is excited, Ellie is non plussed and I am empowered. By a couch.

Radio interview on a really great program

2009-04-02T07:32:00.000-07:00

Her tagline is hell no to the status quo so you know its worth a look.

http://www.thekathleenshow.com/Guest/KristenMartini/tabid/55/xmmid/388/xmid/3018/xmview/2/Default.aspx

And so it goes..

2009-04-01T13:27:00.000-07:00

Anna has passed on. I lie here in 'her' woods and feel the space. And in the space I hear the birds, the rain and the silence. 'It is a glorious day to die'.

She was five feet of feisty. Strength and humor and grace. She kept this place alive for so many, for so long.

Were it not for Anna this piece of heaven would not have been here to catch me when I jumped. To hold me while I heal. To wrap its arms around me.

Anna, last spring, getting changed in her wheelchair on the porch because "Whats the point of living in the country if you cant take your clothes off outside?" Beats the hell out of me Anna. Beats the hell out of me.

Just around the corner

2009-03-31T15:10:00.001-07:00

I have struggled to write this entry. Actually I haven't even journaled in a week. How do I reconcile two big, separate and yet so tied together issues? How do I convey my love for an amazing woman and longtime friend? 17 years of friendship, a year of care giving, intertwined with dying and losing a job. How do I speak of something so momentous as death and in the same breath speak of money? I guess its not exactly unusual eh? People die, money changes hands. Money comes in and goes out. Money is fluid. Life is fluid.

I feel awkward with this. A friends passing that results in my concerns for having a J-O-B. But really that is what so much of this has been about. Being smart, living simply, saving. I have bought some time. And so, when Anna passes (soon. its close. we are laboring the end of this journey) I will take some time. Time to grieve, time to heal, time to grow (again).

Time to sell stuff! That's the first phase of my plan. Sell more stuff. The fabulous costume jewelry is first. Phase two of the sell off. I survived the first batch. Don't miss it, don't even remember what the heck I let go of. So now were gettin down to the nitty gritty and it feels good. Purging, purifying and providing. Another round of garage sales and eBay. I think of 'Chickadee' living on a boat, being that free. What do i need? What do i want? Not 22 pairs of really cute anthropomorphic vegetable salt and pepper shakers. Nope. They can go. My children will be out of school soon and I want to be with them. My kids and no school, adventures await. I want to spend time with friends learning to grow my own food. I want to take the time to experience more peace. There are gardens to tend, art to be made, people to love and fun to be had.

This will be a test for me. Can I really make it through the summer without a "real"-ish J-O-B? Without depleting all of our savings? Without freaking out? I think so. Maybe in a few months Ill take on another old lady or two, or find odd gardening jobs. But small scale so that i am available for the kids. Can i do this? Can I do this and feel comfortable? I don't know. Ive never done it before. But hell, that alone seems like a good enough reason to try.

She wants soverignty

2009-03-18T14:09:00.000-07:00

I remember back in the day, being afraid to leave. What on earth was I going to do? Now I know. I'm going to live life. Make my own choices. Forget the status quo and somebody trying to tell me how to be. I love this simpler life. I walked this morning. Now I'm taking care of Anna. I'm walking around with my 'streaks' of gray hair, bare feet, no makeup, no bra. My children are outside building sandcastles. I am walking my path. I stumble sometimes but I keep going. I fall down but I get up. I am living life in accordance with my values and beliefs. When we are true to ourselves, when we live our values; the universe has a way of unfolding for that which is true.

Now and then

2009-03-17T07:16:00.000-07:00

I am sometimes asked what I miss about my old life. The first time someone asked me, I was stumped. It took me a day to come up with something. Counterspace, I miss counterspace. I went from two kitchens to two square feet of kitchen counterspace. A week later i came up with bathtub. I kinda miss having a bathtub. Fortunately I have wonderful friends that indulge me with random hot baths at their homes. Sure, i miss the family "unit" for my children but it is such a moot point now. Were moving on and growing strong. We're redefining our family and we're in good company. I think its pretty telling when you can walk away from 'so much' and not miss it.

I love the honesty of this life. I love the peace and quiet. I love the simplicity of not having to go and do and see and buy. Im sitting, writing in my journal. Windows open, dogs sleeping, frogs chirping. I walked tonight. I talked with neighbors. I cooked greens from the garden and soon I'll walk again. Its beautiful and i have the time and the frame of mind to enjoy it. I am so thankful.

I would do it all again.

2009-03-16T12:09:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting on the floor, writing in my journal. Sitting next to my children's toy area. Two shelves and a basket for art supplies. No more playroom with floor to ceiling shelves. They never needed that anyway. The whole "forest for the trees" thing holds true for children and their stuff. Sunday my children spent the day playing with rocks and logs and palm fronds. We built a tee pee out of bamboo for the green beans together. We hung out together, just living and loving.

Its been a transition. There was an adjustment period. Their parents divorced and they went from pretty fancy digs in a house with five bedrooms to a cottage with five rooms total. They were bored. They went through withdrawals. They went through a period of not getting along and fighting, alot. This was really unusual for them and hard to witness. We talked. We walked. They acclimated. A few months ago we got rid of the TV. They haven't missed a beat. They're happier. They're content. They read more, they talk more, they play more.They are outside constantly. They walk the dogs, they visit neighbors. Last week we played outside under the full moon. I'm pretty sure that never happened in our old life. When they come back from their fathers they bring their Nintendos out of habit. They could play them (for an hour a day) but for the the most part they sit in a drawer, forgotten. Aidan has a stick on a string that is much more fun. Ellie is busy making "dessert" out of flowers. They are actively engaged in their childhoods. Sure we played outside before, but not like this. Not with the outdoors as their default setting. A few weeks ago the very introspective, nine year old Ellie asked me "Mom, have you noticed Ive been really happy lately?" "Yes, Ellie, I have." "Its because I'm playing outside alot." I kid you not. I went a little weak in the knees. This is what I wanted for them. This is what I dreamed of.

Sold

2009-03-14T07:33:00.000-07:00

Almost all humans... have strange imaginings. The strangest of these is a belief that they can progress only by improvement. Those who understand will realize that we are much more in need of stripping off then adding on. - Doris Lessing

When I left my olde life, when i walked away from a large, luxurious house, an unhappy marriage and a household income in the six figures, I didn't know how things would work out. I didn't know what to expect. I only knew we weren't put here on earth to be so unhappy. Who are we not to shine? I didn't have a job when I left. But I had faith, hope and a cheap place to live. And i had stuff to sell. That's what I started doing as soon as the divorce word was said. Within days I got on eBay, that great flea market in the sky and started selling my stuff. All that cool vintage stuff i had collected thru the years. The cool old purses, the great old jewelery. All the things i had tried to find an identity through. Gone, sold to the highest bidder. Take it, I'm getting free. Free from a life I don't want to live and free from trying to define or identify myself with material possessions. I set up at flea markets. Loaded my car and headed out to the local flea markets. Dishes, clothes, knick knacks, books. SO MUCH STUFF. A couple hundred bucks at a time. At the end of the day, each time, I would find a dealer who would buy everything i had left for cheap. 50 bucks, 25 bucks, take it all. The goal was to make money and get rid of the stuff. I would stop at a thrift store on the way home if i had to but nothing came back in the house. I worked on letting go. I worked on getting over it. I learned not to care how much it was once worth or how much i once paid. That life was over. At first it was a struggle to let go of some of my once favorite possessions but over time I began to see them for what they were. Just things. They weren't who i was and they had never been enough to make me (or keep me) happy. So i let them go. I wanted money in the bank for me and my children. I needed money in the bank to fund this new Independence. I didn't walk away from my marriage with cash in hand and I didn't have a job, so sell it baby! I wanted a clean start without all the crap to weigh me down anyway. I wanted to feel what it would be like to just get down to the necessities, to just get down to the bare bones, to just get down to me.

I quickly learned how not to spend money. I have always had a frugal side so i leaned on that. And then one day in my garden it dawned on me just how frugal I could be. Just how little money i had to spend. Food, shelter, health related items, car (haven't gotten away from that. yet.). Most everything else is superfluous. When my kids need clothes, I put the word out for hand me downs or we hit the thrift store. I gave away the majority of my clothes and still have plenty to wear. Thrift stores fill in and so does the generosity of my friends. I wait. I'm learning to have patience. Im still waiting for a couch. It will happen. I look at money and stuff as my time, my work. Even at the thrift store, Im not ready to plunk down $200 for a more comfortable, nicer looking couch. Thats two days of work for me. Thats money I would rather put away. I take care of a dying friend. Im an elder care giver. My job is precarious. My job could end at any minute and when it does I have set us up so that it is not a crisis. Currently I make under $30,000 a year and I put away 40% of what I make. And we dont want for anything. Ok, a couch and a computer would be cool, but all of our needs are met.

I could go out and buy stuff. I could spend all of our money. I could try and make myself feel better with stuff. And believe me when the waves of pain from the divorce, the changes, the unknown, rise up, a trip to the store would be a distraction. A beautiful new dress might make me feel better for a little while, but then what? I could rack up debt but I choose not to. Its being conscious. I want to leave a smaller foot print on our sweet earth. I want to be responsible for putting as little into the landfills as i can. As it is, we only put out our one trash can every three weeks or so when i get around to it. Even then its not overflowing. What does your trash can look like? I choose not to spend money but save it instead. I dont want to live to work. I dont want to define my life by my job. i want to be able to be artfully and comfortably unemployed when the time comes or the inclination hits. My goal is to be able to take the summers off and enjoy them with my children while they are still young and free. I want to teach my children that happiness is not something you can buy at the mall, not even on sale. I want to know deep in my soul and to teach my children that who we are, our being, is enough. We dont need to add on to become someone. We already are.

2009-02-15T12:00:00.000-08:00

As part of my, err, exercise program i have been carrying large pieces of wood through the woods and home. The original plan was firewood but, some of them are so pretty I cant bring myself to chop them up. I think they may have another purpose. Originally i thought they were oak. However, as i hacked up a more plain, less sculptural piece the other day i thought hmm... smells like hamsters. Its cedar!

Yeah, thats right.

The piece to the right is my favorite. Head thrown back, arms outstretched to the heavens.

Found

2009-02-11T06:30:00.000-08:00

I am currently reading "I will not Die an Unlived life. Reclaiming Purpose and Passion." by Dawna Markova. I am reading it slow, in quiet. At night in bed with tea, in morning, in bed with tea. Stopping, starting, re-reading. It is inspiring me to think deeper still, to examine and re-examine. I love the questions she asks: "How do we reclaim our lost fire? How do we remember that our love really does matter? How do we retrieve our leaking souls?" And this, "Rather than trying to be secure by merely keeping ourselves alive, the relevant focus of our passion needs to become taking the necessary risks so that the thing in us that loves, and the things it loves, stay alive and are passed on." 'Rather than trying to be secure by merely keeping ourselves alive'. That stopped me. That one line so eloquently summed up what my old life had become. Supposed security, supposed safety, at the cost of my soul. At the price of truly living. A life lived from a place of fear. Afraid of me, afraid of alone, of stumbling, of breaking my heart. Afraid of standing up and saying this is not for me, this is not what i believe. Afraid of going my own way. Afraid of learning to love, truly love. Afraid until I wasn't anymore. Until i realized all the supposed security was a sham and what was the point of being safe from life if it meant that you weren't living. Afraid until I found my faith in the Universe, in God, in myself. Afraid until i saw the people that loved me standing by, and knowing that i wasn't alone. And with my feet in the dirt and my head reaching to the sky, I felt connected once again. There wasn't one defining moment, it was an unfolding. And it began with finding myself again, my love again. It began outside. Gardening, composting, camping, playing. The outdoors had been my greatest joy as a child. As an adult, climbing trees, digging in the dirt, catching frogs, I started to find myself again. Waking up from a long, cold sleep. The man i was married to saw it. He tried to ignore it, to ignore me, to ignore my blossoming. In hopes, I guess, that it would go away (or maybe in hopes that i would go away..). In hopes, I guess, that I would go back to sleep, continue shuffling along with life. But damn. I just couldn't stifle myself anymore. I just couldn't cram my being into a too small, too perfect, man made dispose able plastic container anymore. Effectively, I left my marriage many months before I left. He continued ignoring me and I set about making it apparent that the marriage was over. And so it was. And so began my life again. Pain and joy, dirt and tears, love and hope and laughter. Uncertainty, reality, searching and finding and searching inside again. I pray for strength to stay the course. For myself, my children, my mother and all of my sisters. For all the wandering souls that are still trapped in whatever has them caged. I pray for strength and lightness. Go easy and laugh. Be happy and love. Fall down, get up and try again. Don't worry so much about survival. Live.

Its time for time

2009-02-09T07:22:00.000-08:00

Last night, in between a busy weekend with my children (visiting Papa in his RV in St. Augustine), a trip to see my Hospice patient and knowing that work loomed in the morning, I sat in my garden. I sat surrounded by plants, the earth and the sky. I sat with my head in my hands and thought 'i need a vacation'. I thought about what tropical locale for lying in a garden? What mountain to find a patch of sun on? Where? And then i sat and felt it. And i realized i didnt want this feeling of desiring escape. My life is rich, my life is beautiful. Why the escape? What could i do to enjoy myself more, here and now? How much longer must i wait? How much longer must i work? Where? When? How much? And as i sat writing these questions in my journal, the answer came to me. Just as soon as I allow myself.. I have worked hard the past year. Hard at saving. Hard at dusting myself off and raising myself up. I have worked hard at caring for a dying friend, six days a week, then five, and now, four. The time is now. I love Anna. I am learning and growing and I am thankful. Yet, I am burning out. And i dont want to. I want to see this through. I want to stay with Anna until the end, but i need to take care of me, too. I need to recharge. And apparently right now the answer is less work, more joy. More walks in the woods and on the beach. More time with friends and in the garden. I have been saving and living simply, frugally. I can do this. Because i have enough. Now i want to have enough time. I want to live enough. So i am moving to a four day work week. Its a funny decision. I am making a choice to cut back. Once again. When one doesnt make alot of money it can seem almost backwards, at first, to choose to cut back on your work. But look at the gains. I think it is a fair trade. Four days of work, Three days of play. Visions of gardening dance in my head. I will trim back my frost bitten garden (soon, soon), i will bake cookies, visit friends and walk on the beach. I will plant my butt in the sun and read. I will sit quietly. I will visit my found Uncle in Arkansas. My liberal, vegetarian, cat-rescuing seventy something years young Uncle. The Uncle I only discovered a few years ago. And, I have never been to Arkansas. Its time. Even if its something as simple as walking in the woods and finding firewood like i did this morning, its time. Its amazing what happens when you find your joy and realize it isnt in a store. When less is more and enough is enough.

In and Out

2009-01-28T13:14:00.000-08:00

pThe TV is gone. Rather, it is sitting in my closet taking up space. Actually, sitting in THE closet. We only have one which works out well in the respect that there is less space to put stuff which translates into less stuff. At least that's the goal. I do feel another purge coming on. Yesterday was the children's birthday and as i brought in their few gifts i made a mental note to get rid of some stuff in exchange. And the gifts? I gave them each a hot water bottle, a Chico bag and a check for $25.00. In our quest to use as little electricity as possible (i love it when saving the earth translates into saving money) we sleep in sleeping bags and the hot water bottles should help. At least that's what Ive been told. The kids were pretty into filling them up and using them. The Chico bags, those re-use able, nylon fold up bags, they have been asking for them for months. Last time we were at the local health food store they requested them as birthday gifts. Fair enough. And lastly, and most note ably the checks. They each had a grand total of $45 in birthday money. This morning Aidan asked when we could go to the bank? Today after school i told him. Have you decided how much you want to put in your savings account? Yes, $25. Me too, pipes up Ellie. So, of their own doing they each put a little more than half of their money into the bank. I couldn't be prouder. Ah, but the TV. Wednesday I was sitting at a neighbors house and i watched my children. They walked into our house, the door closed, into a living room with no TV. 20 seconds later the door opened again and out they came. Outside to play with a stick on a string, outside to jump rope. Outside to run and to play and to be children.

So long square headed friend...

2009-01-22T09:18:00.000-08:00

Now you see it. Soon you wont. As of February 1 the TV is being relocated to a closet where it will be available for occasional DVD watching. The kids are down with it. I have been discussing its demise for the past few months. Giving them time to adjust to the idea. When i told them this week there would be no more square headed friend as of 2/1 i got about 20 seconds of 'Oh man'. And then, 'Oh well'. I dont watch TV and they dont watch much. Although, i will say,Whale Wars was awesome! Anywho.. There are so many other things we can be doing. I would much rather see my kids reading, drawing, playing then sitting in front of a tube. And i have been paying $35 a month for cable so we could get more than one channel. But gah. Even the commercials on the learning type channels... So, the $35 is going to be split between the two of them each month and go into their savings accounts.

Covering my plants in the fff-freezing cold last night i thought self, you could simplify by letting your plants bite it tonight. But nope. I get so much pleasure from my plants. Working with them, sitting with them, looking at them, sharing them. Snuggle up.

It just doesnt get much better than this.

My days

2009-01-21T08:06:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking about happiness a great deal. And laughter. One evening last week i was out with my mother and we were cracking up. Again and again. And i realized i hadnt laughed like that in a while. And then i thought well. Kristen. You take care of a longtime friend thats 93 has dementia and is dying. There are days where there is not much side splitting fun going on. But there will be time for that. Right now i am being of service. And i am learning so much about living and dying and letting go. And i can laugh. I am not immersed in sadness. I can have a sad or difficult day and feel it. Let it pass through and let it go. I know that there will be more laughter and there will be more sadness because that is living. But we dont need to hold onto the pain. Or the joy. We can experience each day as it is.

Journal Entry January 6

2009-01-21T07:44:00.000-08:00

I want this life to be about the living. Not the work i do but the life i live. Not the house i live in but the living that goes on it. The love i give not the degree I get. I want this life to be my head thrown back in laughter. Thats something i would like more of. Where do i get that? I can create it. I will create it. With myself, the people i chose to spend time with, the way i spend my time. More laughter, not more stuff. More love, not more square feet. A bigger heart not a bigger house. I want to fill this life with walks in the woods, not the mall. I want to choose my choices. To be aware. To be awake.

Read any good books lately?

2009-01-16T08:16:00.001-08:00

I was hanging out at my friend Marks house a few days ago. He was helping me get the blog going and the conversation turned to simple living. Mark asked 'how did you get there?' How did you go from there (my old life) to here, this simple living? What were you doing? What were you thinking? What were you reading? Id had a brush with the simple life in my early 20s but i was young and like many didnt realize that was a way of life. But i had those memories of peace to fall back on. This time i am older and hopefully wiser and i am making conscious choices to do this and do it well. I have tasted the other life and its not all its cracked up to be. In my unhappiness in my old life I started reading, searching for a way to find peace. These are some of the books from that time. Some of the books that started me back on my path:

Im posting links for the books but perhaps you have an independantly owned used book store in your neck of the woods. We do. I love trading in my old books for credit..

The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
http://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1232130769&sr=1-1

The Wisdom of Insecurity by Alan W. Watts
http://www.amazon.com/Wisdom-Insecurity-Alan-W-Watts/dp/0394704681/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1232130806&sr=1-1

Being Peace by Thich Nhat Hanh
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_b_0_11?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=being+peace+thich+nhat+hanh&sprefix=being+peace

The Heart of Understanding by Thich Nhat Hanh
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_b_2_16?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=the+heart+of+understanding+thich+nhat+hanh&sprefix=the+heart+of+und

Going to Pieces without Falling Apart by Mark Epstein
http://www.amazon.com/Going-Pieces-without-Falling-Apart/dp/0767902343/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1232130932&sr=1-2

Two books that i have read since moving into my simple life that i think are valuable tools:

Simple Prosperity - Finding real wealth in a sustainable lifestyle by David Wann
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_b_1_11?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=simple+prosperity+finding+real+wealth+in+a+sustainable+lifestyle&sprefix=simple+pros

And then this book was recommended to my by my good friend Amy, a Reiki Master and social worker. I found this book helpful in healing and understanding:
Chakras and their Archetypes - Uniting Energy Awareness and Spiritual Growth by Ambika Wauters
http://www.amazon.com/Chakras-Their-Archetypes-Awareness-Spiritual/dp/0895948915/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1232131027&sr=1-1

Currently I am reading:
Last Child in the Woods by Richard Louv. Which i am enjoying but take issue with a section on vegetarianism. I wrote him a letter but cant figure out where to send it. Hmm. Maybe Ill post it here. Oh, hush and give us the link.
http://www.amazon.com/Last-Child-Woods-Children-Nature-Deficit/dp/156512605X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1232131083&sr=1-1

The Simple Living Guide by Janet Luhrs
http://www.amazon.com/Simple-Living-Guide-Sourcebook-Stressful/dp/0553067966/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1232131225&sr=1-1

A walk down memory lane

2009-01-16T08:02:00.000-08:00

Doing some cleaning out at my old house, where my former husband still lives I came across an old journal. It showed me how things change. And stay the same. April 14, 1991 (I was 20): I think I want a simple life. October 12, 1992: Today i moved into a most incredible cabin in the woods. I feel like I am finally home.

Flash forward to 2009. After taking a long detour I am leading that simple life. And im home again, in those same woods. Taking care of my friend that owns these incredible cottages. She is 93 now, we have been friends for almost 17 years. Yesterday I was walking down the long gravel drive with my children. They got ahead of me and i watched them go, through the canopy of trees. And it was beautiful to see them walking along this road ,that i have always remembered so fondly, from one of the most peaceful parts of my life. I never dreamed i would be back here one day with a son and a daughter. Walking the same road I walked so many years before. I am so grateful.

Okeefenokee Swamp Trip

2009-01-14T06:19:00.000-08:00

January 10, 2009

650+ square miles, the Okeefenokee Swamp is just slightly smaller than the state of Rhode Island. Between 10,000 and 20,000 alligators, 250-500 Florida Bears, Short Tail Bobcats, Sand Hill Cranes, Oh my.

The Chesser Family house built in 1927. The Chesser family were long time settlers of the Okeefenokee area. This was the home of the last of their family to live there. Sustainable living at its finest. Garden, chicken coop, corn cop, sugar cane mill. We were cracking up because this primitive house was quite spacious and almost luxurious in some aspects compared to my cottage. There were four bedrooms (with doors)!! The family would add on as they needed the space, for their 7 children.

O magazine

2009-01-09T07:47:00.000-08:00

Well, this seems like a good place to start. My friend, Allison Glock, did a story for Oprah magazine (January 2009) on Voluntary Simplicity. Its a great article, a great introduction to simple living, and Im in it.

http://www.oprah.com/article/omagazine/200901_omag_simple_living

What do I do and how do I do it?

2009-01-09T06:15:00.000-08:00

This is one of my favorite journal entries from the old life. I remember writing it and feeling like i was stuck. Thought that the life I was living was insurmountable. And now. Look at my life now. Not quite two years later and i am out of the old and creating the new. It was not without its pain, struggles and heartache, but i can say with all my heart it has been worth it, the whole trip.

Journal Entry - April 2007

'What do i do and how do i do it?'
I feel as though I am straddling two different seismic plates, both shifting. One foot in this sterile world of strip malls, chlorinated pools, styrofoam cups, plastic people, places and things. A world where i have become paralyzed, somehow of my own doing. The other world has tadpoles in its pools, natural beauty, dirt, trees to climb and people that care. In this world, i feel my paralysis melting away. How do i reconcile the two worlds? How do i help my children grow up in a world where we are bred for non-being? How do i go back and forth between the two worlds, contentedly? There is a part of me that thinks, 'make it easy on yourself - take prozac, sit by the sterile pools and go shopping. Make it easy on yourself, go back, go back, go back.' But how can you go back when you have seen the truth and it speaks to your soul? How can you go back when the life you're living is killing you? And how do you change course in midstream?

Today, January 9,2009
So the world itself hasn't changed much but my world has. I go for weeks without having to stop at a strip mall. Days without spending a dime. Days without driving in my car. I choose the people i surround myself with on a regular basis. I garden, I chop wood, I play in the dirt and climb trees. My kids and i read and draw and talk and laugh. more. I got out. Dropped out. Went from wanting more more more to pleading for less. Finding the peace in having enough. Enough money, enough clothes, enough time. I'm learning. Learning to fill myself with peace and love. Time with my children, my friends, the natural world. Learning how to be still, to enjoy enough. Which really is more.